Tag Archives: cutting

“Trowling”

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Every few years, the trolls living in the gorge next to the valley Eyren put on a competition among the adolescent trolls. The competition was an important one, as it decided which of the young trolls would be chosen to partake in the troll games. What are the trolls games you might ask? Only the most prestigious event for all the trolls of all time! Rock throwers of all size and skill wished to be a part of the troll games, for they all wished to throw rocks at the human town of Eyren over the hill. They all strove for the honour and glory of bashing down as much of the town as possible, yet the honour was only bestowed upon the mighty.

Why stop anyone from the rock-tossing joy, one might wonder? For the pesky humans had a tendency to try and ruin their fun, shooting fiery arrows and cutting them with swords and even, horror of all horrors, trying to coax them out into the sunlight. Such as it were, the games were too dangerous for the youngest trolls, and Troki was not allowed to compete. His older brother Trokar was the most impressive of the teen aged trolls, he was the tallest and strongest of them all, with giant hands that could toss a boulder as far as another troll’s rock! Yet Troki wanted nothing more than to compete with his older brother, why should any self-respecting troll be deprived of destroying human homes?

Thus as night settled in, the games began and the trolls tossed rocks one by one at the human village. It was no surprise that Trokar’s boulder was the first to hand a crushing blow to the human settlement. As the cries went up, of humans in terror and trolls in celebration, Troki snuck in and took his place. With a great cry he sprinted forward, carrying a boulder that was much too large for him to handle. Just as little Troki was about to toss, he looked to his brother Trokar, who shook his head in dismay knowing his little brother would never be able to throw such a stone. Yet with his head turned, Troki did not see the ledge in front of him and slipped, tumbling and bouncing wildly down the hill towards the human village. Trokar shouted yet Troki could not be stopped, smashing and crashing down the hill with a fury, arms still wrapped around the boulder as he gained speed with every bump and blunder. The trolls looked on in shock as the blur that was Troki smashed into the first building of the town, and, to their shock and wonder, destroyed it along with the next! Troki did such wonderful damage to the town that is was then that the games were changed. And thus, my friends, is how Trowling was invented.

—Christine Sherrington

“The Misplaced Tibetan Trolls”

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In the dense forest of Tibet, there lives a group of Trollbalones who have established their home within the forest since the beginning of dawn. Little did they know they would experience a life threatening change..

The appearance of Trollbalones fit the stereotypic image of the typical troll. They are short and stubby, rude, clumsy and very short tempered. However, unlike other trolls, Trollbalones are very hardworking and not lazy at all. Their work ethic is evident in the numerous tree houses that they built for themselves within the forests of Tibet. Trollbalones do not adapt well to change, so when they built their settlement within the forests, they built it with the mindset that they would live there forever.

Unfortunately, their mindset was wrong. Little did they know that the Tibetan government was clear cutting the forest in which they live in. The Reason? So that there would be more grounds available to expand Tibet’s famous monasteries. Had the government known the type of creatures inhabiting the forest, the deforestation would probably not have been considered for the expansion of Tibetan’s infrastructure.

Slowly but surely, Trollbalones witnessed the demolishing of their tree houses as trees were being chopped down. Within months, the entire forest in which they built their lives in was completely gone. With their homes demolished, Trollbalones migrated to Shanghai to rebuild their lives. Unfortunately, Trollbalones had no idea that Shanghai had little, to no dense forest areas until they arrived.

Upon arrival, they realized that they had chosen the wrong place to move to. With no forests, or even trees, where would they settle down? It did not take long until they started regretting their move. Their short temperament did not help with the situation either, as they were extremely rude and unapproachable, even to the locals who wanted to help them.

Along with the challenges of finding a place to settle in, they also faced ridicule due to their appearance. Everyone else in the city was tall and slender, whereas Trollbalones were stubby and short. Their clumsiness did not help either as they would constantly walk into people, or knock down street vendors. With little success, Trollbalones realized that they needed to adjust to their new environment, fast!

As they say, beggars can’t be choosers – and that is exactly what Trollbalones did. Instead of putting their guards high up, and being rude and short tempered to the locals, they tried to be as nice as they could, and to thank the locals for even the smallest help. With the help of locals, Trollbalones were able to settle into a calm, small forest on the outskirts of Shanghai. It was then that they realized the importance of having a good attitude, and being kind to strangers.

Despite their experience of losing their home in Tibet, they were able to reestablish themselves in a completely new country, and make new friends while learning the importance of being kind and gentle.

—Jolie Ko

“‘T’ for ‘Tea'”

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If one wanted to find a Spiddyock, and there were many reasons for such an inquiry, a great deal of searching was in order and it was likely to be an ordeal.

The Spiddyocks are the modest type. Their homes, the same design as one may find in a common suburb, are not concentrated in a “ghetto” sort of way. They are spread out. Intentionally. Not of their own intention of course, but by the Bureau of Spiddyock Management. If they had it their own way, they would live together in a “ghetto” sort of way away from the entire human population. But they would never tell you that, of course.

I sat down for tea with a Spiddyock, once. Earl Grey of course, but there was no honey. At first it struck me as strange; Restricting oneself to one type of meat, be it American, Canadian or Manchurian, and cutting out all other animal products. But with this Spiddyock, that was a personal choice that I found almost entirely respectable.  So I took sugar.

It wasn’t difficult to find this one. He was quite open about his practices. His culinary reviews had begun to acquire a following amongst the older generation and upon my call, he insisted I come to him for our interview.

The Human census bureau controls the Spiddyock’s food stamps. If the Spiddyocks were in need, at any time, of an extra arm or leg, the census bureau accommodates their need and put their “Federal Food On the Go” services into action. However, Bureau of Population Management (BPM) handles the main food intake for the Spiddyocks.

“They do keep us bogged down with all their legislation, but what’s food is food and we can’t complain if we aint hungry.” The National Government keeps a heavy census tally on the Spiddyocks’ food intake, which is to be logged and officially certified after every meal, according to the BPM (who declined to answer questions for this interview.)

This fine Spiddyock allowed me the spectator’s seat as he prepared his breakfast. He usually preferred a European for breakfast as the Westerners tended to bog him down later in the day because of their high carb intake. His spice cabinet was extensive.

The kitchenware consisted of one large Martha Stewart cast-iron cauldron.

Unfortunately, I was unable to stay for the eating of Breakfast as the Spiddyock’s family was soon to arrive and family meetings tended to usually end in another meal, of which I wished not to be a part.

The Spiddyock’s part in society remains essential as overpopulation is a constant threat. They have absorbed themselves into our culture while continuing to practice their own specific rituals while not under watch of the human eye. It is not likely that one may find such an open and social Spiddyock as I was fortunate to stumble upon, yet if any of you readers out there are ever granted with the pleasure of meeting one, don’t wear too much perfume and keep a positive attitude and you may be invited for lunch.

—Noah Cohen