Tag Archives: older

“The Troll and the Hero”

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Long long ago, there was a beautiful and wealthy kingdom in the north. The old king of this kingdom had a pretty daughter and the princess was old enough to find a good husband. Unlike the other young noble maidens who would be more than willing to marry princes, this pretty princess made a vow to herself: I, the pretty princess of the Northern Kingdom, who always have the best in my life, must marry to a real hero. To prove this, my future husband has to kill all the trolls living in the Dark Forest in Northern Kingdom. Year after year, the princess couldn’t find her hero. The old king was way more than worried and had to broaden  the range of the suitors to ordinary men because the princess wouldn’t make any compromises upon her vow. In this case, the old king pronounced to the whole kingdom that any young men, no matter what status they had, who were able to kill all the trolls in the Dark Forest could marry the princess and inherit the kingdom in the future.

There were two brothers, who grew up together in a small village close to the dark forest, actually knew the secrete of how to kill trolls in the forest. They chose the first sunny night right after snowing so the ground was still covered by thick snow; the younger brother took off all of his clothes, prepared fire beside himself, and brushed honey, basil, olive oil and all the other flavorings on his naked body. The older brother prepared for the lightest, thinnest and most invisible robes in the world to tide the trolls to large stones and giant trees around the fire. They got the secrete of how to make those robes from their family recipe. Trolls, although they were big and powerful but they were definitely not smart enough to escape the trap made by those two brothers. After smell the disturbingly good flavor of the younger brother, all of the trolls in the forest showed up and tried to catch the younger brother as their supper, since they had been hungry for the whole winter. The younger brother successfully persuaded the trolls to fight each other to decide who is the strongest because apparently, one single human would not be enough for all the trolls. Then all the trolls started to fight (yes, they were that hungry) and totally forgot the time. When there were only two trolls left, the older brother showed up and secretly tied the rope to trolls with the stones and trees. The two last trolls were so strong and they apparently forgot the time, then the sun came out. All the trolls left to watch the competition became stones. Following the foot trace they left, those two brothers also successfully found the cave that the trolls lived in. They were shocked by the countless gold and diamonds that the trolls left. Right at time when the two hugged each other for the huge joy, the younger brother sneakily extracted a dagger from his boot and thrust it to the chest of his own brother. “My big brother, you forgot that the princess can only have one husband.” He grinned to the one who is falling gradually due to the lack of vitality. After he wiped his dagger and he started to play with the gold and stones in the cave, he didn’t find out that gradually, his body grew bigger, his hair became longer, his nose turned huge, his finger nails changed to long and sharp ones, and he lost his ability to speak human language —now he is the only troll left in the Dark Forest.

—Ying Miranda Zhang

“Trowling”

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Every few years, the trolls living in the gorge next to the valley Eyren put on a competition among the adolescent trolls. The competition was an important one, as it decided which of the young trolls would be chosen to partake in the troll games. What are the trolls games you might ask? Only the most prestigious event for all the trolls of all time! Rock throwers of all size and skill wished to be a part of the troll games, for they all wished to throw rocks at the human town of Eyren over the hill. They all strove for the honour and glory of bashing down as much of the town as possible, yet the honour was only bestowed upon the mighty.

Why stop anyone from the rock-tossing joy, one might wonder? For the pesky humans had a tendency to try and ruin their fun, shooting fiery arrows and cutting them with swords and even, horror of all horrors, trying to coax them out into the sunlight. Such as it were, the games were too dangerous for the youngest trolls, and Troki was not allowed to compete. His older brother Trokar was the most impressive of the teen aged trolls, he was the tallest and strongest of them all, with giant hands that could toss a boulder as far as another troll’s rock! Yet Troki wanted nothing more than to compete with his older brother, why should any self-respecting troll be deprived of destroying human homes?

Thus as night settled in, the games began and the trolls tossed rocks one by one at the human village. It was no surprise that Trokar’s boulder was the first to hand a crushing blow to the human settlement. As the cries went up, of humans in terror and trolls in celebration, Troki snuck in and took his place. With a great cry he sprinted forward, carrying a boulder that was much too large for him to handle. Just as little Troki was about to toss, he looked to his brother Trokar, who shook his head in dismay knowing his little brother would never be able to throw such a stone. Yet with his head turned, Troki did not see the ledge in front of him and slipped, tumbling and bouncing wildly down the hill towards the human village. Trokar shouted yet Troki could not be stopped, smashing and crashing down the hill with a fury, arms still wrapped around the boulder as he gained speed with every bump and blunder. The trolls looked on in shock as the blur that was Troki smashed into the first building of the town, and, to their shock and wonder, destroyed it along with the next! Troki did such wonderful damage to the town that is was then that the games were changed. And thus, my friends, is how Trowling was invented.

—Christine Sherrington

Untitled

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There was once a vast green forest, which has since burnt to the ground, that was home to a prosperous group of Forest Trolls. Amongst these trolls, was a small girl troll named Hogie Bilby. Hogie was the youngest of the Bilby family and the only girl. She had 6 older brothers, Rainbie, Polbie, Blanbie, Rigsbie, Jansbie and Bluebie. All of whom played an instrument at the evening gathering.

Hogie loved music but whenever she tried to join her brothers they told her that troll girls could not play an instrument or sing, and that she should make them a feast, for they would be very hungry after playing music. Hogie made their feast, but spat and added dirt and dust from the floor to the food and watched in delight as her brothers scarfed it down after their music playing.

Eventually though, spitting in her brothers food became boring and unsatisfying. So, since her brothers would not allow her to play with them, Hogie would wait until her brothers were snoring and snarfing away in dreamland, then creep down to the music room to play with the instruments. Though she had never had a formal lesson, Hogie quickly learned to play every instrument she touched, because she had been born with a special gift that no one knew about. As she played, beautiful lyrics flowed from her mouth, with the sweetest tune ever heard. She was by far the best musician in all the forest, though no one knew it.

One night, at the evening gathering, Hogie’s brothers prepared to perform for the community. But when they opened their mouths to sing, nothing came out, and when they tried to play their instruments, their fingers stiffened and fumbled and they were unable to play a note! The other trolls began to be very angry and upset because they loved music and felt they were being gipped out of a good time. Hogie gathered her courage and stood in front of her troll friends and family, “I will play for you,” she said. The trolls began to snicker, for a troll girl had never before played at the evening gathering. But Hogie was strong and picked up a guitar and began to play the most beautiful song in the most beautiful voice the trolls had ever heard. All the trolls wept at how beautiful it was, and from that moment, troll girls were never kept from playing music again.

—Krista Marshall

“‘T’ for ‘Tea'”

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If one wanted to find a Spiddyock, and there were many reasons for such an inquiry, a great deal of searching was in order and it was likely to be an ordeal.

The Spiddyocks are the modest type. Their homes, the same design as one may find in a common suburb, are not concentrated in a “ghetto” sort of way. They are spread out. Intentionally. Not of their own intention of course, but by the Bureau of Spiddyock Management. If they had it their own way, they would live together in a “ghetto” sort of way away from the entire human population. But they would never tell you that, of course.

I sat down for tea with a Spiddyock, once. Earl Grey of course, but there was no honey. At first it struck me as strange; Restricting oneself to one type of meat, be it American, Canadian or Manchurian, and cutting out all other animal products. But with this Spiddyock, that was a personal choice that I found almost entirely respectable.  So I took sugar.

It wasn’t difficult to find this one. He was quite open about his practices. His culinary reviews had begun to acquire a following amongst the older generation and upon my call, he insisted I come to him for our interview.

The Human census bureau controls the Spiddyock’s food stamps. If the Spiddyocks were in need, at any time, of an extra arm or leg, the census bureau accommodates their need and put their “Federal Food On the Go” services into action. However, Bureau of Population Management (BPM) handles the main food intake for the Spiddyocks.

“They do keep us bogged down with all their legislation, but what’s food is food and we can’t complain if we aint hungry.” The National Government keeps a heavy census tally on the Spiddyocks’ food intake, which is to be logged and officially certified after every meal, according to the BPM (who declined to answer questions for this interview.)

This fine Spiddyock allowed me the spectator’s seat as he prepared his breakfast. He usually preferred a European for breakfast as the Westerners tended to bog him down later in the day because of their high carb intake. His spice cabinet was extensive.

The kitchenware consisted of one large Martha Stewart cast-iron cauldron.

Unfortunately, I was unable to stay for the eating of Breakfast as the Spiddyock’s family was soon to arrive and family meetings tended to usually end in another meal, of which I wished not to be a part.

The Spiddyock’s part in society remains essential as overpopulation is a constant threat. They have absorbed themselves into our culture while continuing to practice their own specific rituals while not under watch of the human eye. It is not likely that one may find such an open and social Spiddyock as I was fortunate to stumble upon, yet if any of you readers out there are ever granted with the pleasure of meeting one, don’t wear too much perfume and keep a positive attitude and you may be invited for lunch.

—Noah Cohen