I used to be a perfectionist when I was a child. I tried so hard especially when I was in elementary school, where if I didn’t get 100% on my math quizzes I would cry and lock myself in my bedroom for making such careless mistakes. My parents pushed me to become the best version of myself, and I wanted that too, at some point. But throughout my teenage years, I started trying less and less because I had developed this fear of failure. I was terrified of making mistakes, being bruised and scraped. I was trying to be the best for others and not myself. When I failed my first chemistry test in eleventh grade, got my heart broken from someone I loved, lost my best friend, or got into my first car accident, I discovered that the disastrous feeling of heartbreak and failure can actually bring beautiful things or realizations to our lives. Failure teaches us lessons that are necessary to help us grow into the people we aspire to be. I’ve learned that failure is such a powerful drive to help us become greater versions of ourselves for ourselves and no one other. Here are 5 unwritten lessons about failure that nobody tells you, and I hope these lessons help you realize that it’s actually so essential to fail in order to become better.
1. Sometimes your failure is not your fault.
I didn’t want to fail my first chemistry test, get into my first car accident, lose people in my life that I love, or doubt myself for these failures/ losses. There are many things beyond our control. Just because we don’t want them to happen doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. They happen for a reason, as if to remind you of something in your life that needs more attention and care. Perhaps it is an opportunity for you to do better so that these failures never happen again. Sometimes you’ve tried your hardest and you still fail, but you can’t fail forever.
2. It really does suck to fail.
I don’t know about you but the feeling of losing really sucks. As I’ve mentioned before, the feeling of not being good enough stings deep in your gut. However, I think it’s that pain that makes it more meaningful for you, as a daily reminder to do better so you don’t have to feel those stings again. So let the pain sting, and hold on to that feeling like an invisible tattoo on you to do better.
3. You fail because there’s a lesson to be learned.
I believe that things happen for a reason. I failed that chemistry test because I wasn’t trying hard enough. My friendships and relationships couldn’t last because I deserve people who will stay and love me for me. I got into my car accident because I was being stupid by texting and driving, so I needed a wake up call. I needed to reach these realizations, and now I know.
4. Failure makes me feel real about myself.
I have broken cracks. I like the scar on my elbow because they remind me of my potential. They remind me that I am only human and there are no reasons to have a pressure to be unrealistically perfect. I don’t think anyone is perfect. It’s those imperfections that make us so beautiful. Failure makes me want to take risks, want to be stronger and bolder. Failure makes me colourful; I rather be bright blues than dull blacks.
5. “You are not damaged goods or muddy from failed explorations.” — Taylor Swift
My role model, Taylor Swift, has frequently expressed in her 1989 tour shows that “we are not nothing just because we haven’t gone anywhere”. We are not broken because of these failures. We are not nothing because we made some mistakes. Failure just reminds us of our potential to be even better and shine greater. One time in my grade 12 english class I got a really low mark on a poem I had written for an assignment. I was very frustrated because it was a poem I loved. I went to my teacher and asked her what was wrong with my poem. She simply stated “ this poem has the potential to grow, in revision. I gave you this mark so you would realize that potential”. After a few revisions and help from peers, my poem got published in the National Collection at Library and Archives Canada. Just because I got a poor mark on my poetry assignment doesn’t make me a failed poet. With time and diligence, I made my poem something worth reading, turning that failure into success! Failure is not forever. Failure is for opportunity and exploration.
Written by Charlotte Nip