starting this post i really had to think, is this the right title? no. no it isnt. but why isnt it? what would be better? is there a word that would make more sense, that would better encapsulate this feeling of greener grass? i don’t think it’s regret that i’m feeling – there are no urges to turn back, no thoughts of what if i had, only ideas of what could be.

i rarely endure this feeling. i usually just push it down, repress it. allow myself to be held by the majesty that is my life. but right now, i’ll allow it. right now, i’ll let myself think: what could be?

this time last year, i was on my way to advisor orientation with my new team, with new people that i hoped would like me, would appreciate me, and would be my friends. those 9 people, (the 8 on my team and my supervisor) became my rock when i knew it best to leave my boyfriend of 3 years, no matter how much it would hurt. they became my joy when we all donned masks to be one of our beloved teammates on a themed “simon” night. they became my laughter when we chose a character to voice as betty and myself studied for an english class. they became my pride when they (constantly) succeeded. they became my worry when they were hurting, or in a sad or bad spot. they became my family, my fsquared family.

this year, i decided to do something new. i will once again have a team, and they will be extremely wonderful and amazing in their own way. they will help commuter students find a place that is their own, they will support each other and truly care for one another. this is the goal.

but, that’s just it: a goal. there is uncertainty in a goal. there are doubts, questions, hopes.

im thinking about the greener grass. i’m wondering about the what could be, but to be honest, i’m happy. i’m content. i’m pleased with my life. i love that i get to meet new people daily, that i get to encourage others and have amazing chats with new friends.

and here i go again, burying the feeling. or is this overcoming the feeling?

Happiness is the moment where you look around and know: wow.