André Elias Mazawi[*]
“My work in the history of education has been like a Coast Salish canoe journey through time and space.”
On December 23, 2020, around three weeks before Professor Michael Marker’s untimely passing on January 15, 2021, I emailed him to convey my good sentiments for the winter break and my best wishes for the year 2021. I noted that 2020 was quite difficult and unusual for so many. The pandemic and its predicaments disrupted our work considerably. For Michael, these were not “ordinary” events. In private conversations and department meetings Michael shared his views that we are living through an “epochal closure”, a term apparently inspired by a Kantian metaphysics of presence that considers an epoch as a system of language and structure – a hegemonic political culture, if you will. As I (partially) understand it, as an “epoch” draws to a “close,” it loses its “logic” as a viable explanatory framework of the human world. In the words of Saitya Brata Das, its “hegemony expires when its principle of ground becomes impoverished”. Under such conditions, it is difficult to discern what would eventually emerge, what is yet to be born. As a nod to Michael’s view on the times we were living through, in my email I sought to reassure him that with every closure there is also a beginning, a birth, new potentialities, new futures which may not have been otherwise possible. I wrote so because, in my view, every new creation is imperilled by risks, dangers, vicissitudes, contradictions, and setbacks. Yet, as both Edward Said and Hannah Arendt captured it so differently, every beginning ultimately entails collective struggles that connect “scattered occasions” (Said) into a punctum that takes diverse shapes, forms and, ultimately, meaningful directions. Preserving hope in the face of adversity is crucial for the conduct of one’s struggles. To convey my sense of optimism, I included a verse by German lyric poet and philosopher Friedrich Hölderlin (1770-1843) that says, among other, “where the danger is, also grows the saving power.” I interpreted that verse to mean that while difficult and challenging life events expose our vulnerabilities and endanger us, they can also push us to think creatively about new ways of being and living.
My choice of Hölderlin’s verse was not arbitrary. Michael’s work resonates with the risks he took in his scholarly work and life. Consistently, he endeavoured to disrupt hegemonic discourses on history and Indigeneity. I knew and appreciated his scholarship well before we met in person at a conference in April of 2003 in Chicago. I then realized that I had included one of his papers in one of my syllabi as a mandatory reading as early as 2001. In his studies on the colonization of Indigenous communities Michael built a scholarly body of work that uncompromisingly sought to disrupt the hegemonic power of a Eurocentric version of modernity and history, particularly those discourses that are adamantly entrenched in schools and higher education institutions. Referring to the “alluvial zones of paradigm change”, Michael proposed a new language, one of life, dignity, justice, self-determination, and healing.
Michael’s response to my email, on the evening of December 23, 2020, was intriguing. Michael thanked me for my “blessings with gratitude and some joy.” Yet, he emphatically and flatly noted, “I do not share your optimism”:
“Yes, I do appreciate the words of German poets and thank you for sending them. Notwithstanding, I am more compelled by a German martyr, Dietrich Bonhoeffer; a great intellectual cut down in his prime while [Martin] Heidegger found cleverness to defend himself and pretended to not know of good Dietrich’s torture and execution. Bonhoeffer’s words ring true for me: “If you have boarded the wrong train, it does no good to run in the corridor in the opposite direction.” [Hyperlinks added to original text, AEM]
In his stance against Nazism in Germany, Bonhoeffer, a pastor and theologian, “was sharply critical of ethical theory and of academic concerns with ethical systems precisely because of their failure to confront evil directly,” as Douglas Huff points out. The foundation of ethical behaviour, Bonhoeffer believed, lay in reconciling the reality of the world and the metaphysical reality of God, making the latter manifest in and through the former. Ethical behaviour entailed a worldly and fully engaged activism towards the redemption of the human world, in words and actions. For Michael, too, scholarship cannot be reduced to academic concerns. It entails purposeful activism if one is to confront and expose “the varieties of hegemonies that neutralize a legitimate Indigenous voice and which are continuing to dismiss the Indigenous polemical Other as an exoticized outside case scenario.” He asserted that “healing and relationship building can only come of a rigorous decolonizing related to exposing the persistence and pestilence of technocracy and historical amnesia within schools and communities.” For him, decolonizing the ways in which history is studied is akin to “a canoe journey through time and space,” in view of creating a generative discourse and the re-articulation of institutional policies, practices, and cultures.
Michael’s intellectual courage stood out in our (last) exchange, as it did in his engagement with the world’s deep wounds of injustice, and its colonial legacies of oppression, violence, and dispossession. If he disagreed with colleagues, he argued forcefully, yet with courtesy and deference. His burning passion for inquiry, argumentation, and the exploration of ideas was visible to all those for whom the incisiveness of thought is a necessary condition in the fecund pursuit of those ethical values on which we could build our world. Michael was an intense interlocutor. For him, ideas must be pursued with a clear and sharp mind. Ideas command a constant search, a continuous exchange, and unending exploration, if experienced realities are to be captured in meaningful ways. Michael’s contrapuntal reference to Bonhoeffer’s life pushed back on my reference to Hölderlin’s lyric verse. By doing so, he made me realize that my optimism was underpinned by residues of an a-political Romanticism. His contrasting of Bonhoeffer’s and Heidegger’s radically antithetical destinies compelled me to decolonize myself from entrenched assumptions that have come to inhabit me through my literary education and the conditions under which I was schooled. I never had the chance to thank Michael for this exchange. The conversation was cut short with and by his departure.
One full year has elapsed since Michael’s passing. Remembering Michael – as colleague, scholar, activist, and faculty member – is painful. This text carries a portion of that pain. One colleague commented, “it hurts to remember Michael, but this pain of remembering is also what gives us life, courage and hope” (Pierre Walter). On January 20, 2022, the Department of Educational Studies at UBC commemorated Professor Michael Marker’s passing at the very beginning of its monthly meeting. For me, a department’s capacity to re-member, to re-call, to in-voke the memory of its members – whether those who passed or those who are (still) present, or still, those who moved on in life – is foundational for the maintenance and growth of our common home. A home – basically, a space within which activities take place – is not just physical or material. It is a dwelling that carries a full range of meanings, affects, moods, and memories. These meanings are part and parcel of what a home represents, as both space and experience. Invoking these meanings collectively – as part of an act of co-memoration – represents the most powerful political statement that a human group can utter: we do not forget any member who lived in this dwelling, nor do we leave anyone behind or outside its precinct. Re-membering represents the penultimate act of constructing a solidarity across time, space, and relations; one of several pillars in the process of community-building. Without remembrance I feel we would probably vegetate in a continuously desolate present composed of bricks, mortar, and empty glass corridors. Such a “home” would be daunted by the grinding effects of an alienating bureaucracy, the “iron cage” of surveillance and control, to which (the translated writings of) Max Weber referred. By in-voking the memory of our colleague we ensure and uphold our humanity, trapped – as it is – between its desires for knowledge, truth, and fulfillment and the effective challenges facing the translation of these desires into ethical, equitable, just, and inclusive worlds.
The commemoration of Professor Michael Marker was incidentally followed by a departmental discussion regarding how we could, should, or would be capable of coming together to share the fruits of our work and still feel comfortable with ourselves, in the privacy of our thoughts and concerns. In many ways, for me, co-memorating and sharing represent the two facets of weaving disparate ideas into meaningful horizons of possibility, the creation of a measure of “intellectual intimacy.” Yet, for this “intellectual intimacy” to be effective it must be grounded in a spirit of trust; trust between individuals and trust in that all participants feel engaged and respected in the conversation, while respecting those around them. Building trust represents an arduous and challenging project, no doubt. Without trust, all our endeavours, teachings, and claims to transforming the world would remain vacuous and resoundingly empty. Building relational trust represents an elementary condition in the generation of knowledges that lay legitimate claims to transformative powers within the communities they touch.
May Michael’s memory live among us in the ways we learn to relate to each other, as we strive to build a vibrant, life seeking, and confident Department of Educational Studies. Let the passionate argumentation Michael captured in his way of being in the world increase a thousand fold and let it blossom, among us, like a thousand cherry trees.
Let us commit to remember that.
© André Elias Mazawi, Feb 10, 2022.
[*] An abridged version of this text was released to the Department’s membership (staff, students and faculty) on January 15, 2021, as part of Professor Michael Marker’s commemoration. The present expanded version includes subsequent reflections shared with the Department. I am grateful to Deirdre Kelly, Pierre Walter, Michelle Stack, Hartej Gill, Bathseba Opini, and Amy Parent for sharing their feedback and comments on previous drafts. I am equally grateful to EDST’s GAA Team for their consideration of this text as part of the EDST Blog and for their support in bringing it to publication.
Why I Can’t Hold Space for You Anymore, a self-examination exercise
Vanessa Andreotti, Sharon Stein, Elwood Jimmy and the GTDF collective
Photo by: Vanessa de Oliveira Andreotti
Systemic violence is complex and multi-layered. One thing that cuts across layers is the disproportionate amount of labour that Black, Indigenous and people of color (BIPOC) bear when they are expected to teach other people about systemic colonial and racial violence in equity, diversity and inclusion (EDI) initiatives.
The exercise “Why I can’t hold space for you anymore” was created by the Gesturing Towards Decolonial Futures Arts/Research Collective, of which we are part. It presents an attempt to pedagogically address unconscious patterns of problematic behavior at work in EDI initiatives that are difficult to name and to interrupt.
The exercise consists of a poem and an invitation for self-examination. The poem lists the reasons why symbolic EDI statements and gestures are often costly for the well-being of BIPOC people.
This exercise was developed as part of an effort to illustrate the emotional and physical costs that manifest when BIPOC people are expected to hold spaces for institutional learning – especially white peoples’ learning – about complicities in historical, systemic and ongoing harm.
Read the poem once and pay attention to the different kinds of responses it evokes in you. After you have read the poem once, read the instructions that follow for the second part of the exercise.
Do You Really Want to Know Why I Can’t Hold Space for You Anymore?
Because
You see my body as an extension of your entitlements
Because
I have held space for you before
and every time, the same thing happens
You take up all the space
and expect me to use my time, energy and emotion
in service of fulfilling your desires:
to perform my trauma
to affirm your innocence
to celebrate your self-image
to center your feelings
to absolve you from guilt
to be always generous and generative
to filter what I say in order not to make you feel uncomfortable
to validate you as someone who is good and innocent
to be the appreciative audience for your self-expression
to provide the content of a transformative learning experience
to make you feel loved, important, special and safe
and you don’t even realize you are doing it
and you don’t even realize you are doing it
AND YOU DON’T EVEN REALIZE YOU ARE DOING IT
Because your support is always conditional
On whether it aligns with your agenda
On whether it is requested in a gentle way
On whether I perform a politics that is convenient for you
On whether it fits your personal brand
On whether it contributes to your legacy
On whether you will get rewarded for doing it
On whether it feels good
Or makes you look good
Or gives you the sense that we are “moving forward”
Because when you ‘give’ me space to speak
It comes with strings attached about
what I can and cannot say
and about how I can say it
You want an easy way out
A quick checklist or one-day workshop
on how to avoid being criticized
while you carry out business as usual
And even when I say what I want to say anyway
You can’t hear it
Or you listen selectively
And when you think you hear it
You consume it
You look for a way to say ‘that’s not me’
‘I’m one of the good ones’
and use what I say to criticize someone else
Or you nod empathetically and emphatically to my face and then
The next thing you do shows that while you can repeat my words
Your perceived entitlements remain exactly the same
And when I put my foot down or show how deeply angry or frustrated I am
You read me as ungrateful, incompetent, unreliable and betraying your confidence
You complain behind my back that I’m creating a hostile environment
You say I’m being unprofessional, emotional, oversensitive
That I need to get over it
That I’m blocking progress
That I shouldn’t be so angry
That my ancestors lost the battle
That not everything is about colonialism or racism or whiteness
That aren’t we all just people, in the end?
That we are all indigenous to some place
That you feel really connected to the earth, too
That you have an BIPOC friend/colleague/girlfriend that really likes you…
You minimize and further invisibilize my pain
Your learning
your self-actualization
your credibility
your security
and your social mobility
always come at my expense.
That is why I can’t hold space for your anymore.
After you have read the poem once, we invite you to read it again (one or more times) as an exercise of observation of your own neurophysiological responses. In this part of the exercise, we use a psychological narrative strategically to focus your attention on the responses of your amygdala, which is the part of the brain that stores information about emotional events and that manages situations of perceived threat.
In modern societies, our brain is trained to minimize threat and maximize reward. If something is perceived as a threat to one’s self-image, status, autonomy or security, the amygdala is triggered, prompting the responses of fight, flight, freeze and/or fawn (i.e. to please).
As you read the poem again, identify the parts of yourself that are engaged in these patterns of response:
fight
(defensiveness)
|
flight
(avoidance)
|
freeze
(feeling lost and helpless)
|
fawn
(trying to please)
|
· denying
· arguing
· explaining
· dominating discussion
· delegitimizing/ discrediting
· claim of being attacked
· claim of objectivity (only you can see the truth)
· insistence that it does not apply to you since you have (or have had) multi-ethnic friends or family members that can attest that you are a nice person
|
· withdrawing
· getting distracted
· focusing on your intentions
· insistence that you are misunderstood
· arguing over words meanings or other details
· offering counter-examples
· use other forms of oppression (e.g. class, sexism, cis-hetero-normativity) to minimize the importance of race and colonialism
|
· crying
· numbing
· deflecting
· exiting
· getting distracted
· changing the subject
· distancing
· detaching
· divesting
· despairing
· disconnecting
|
· seeking absolution
· self-flagellation
· martyrdom
· over-complimenting BIPOC people
· seeking proximity
· seeking praise
· virtue-signaling
· demanding attention
· demanding validation (e.g. “I am one of the good ones”)
· pretending to go along to get along (or to protect your image/interests)
|
As you identify these responses, document (in writing or drawing) how they manifest. Next, consider the fears, insecurities, and desires that could be behind these responses, and how these fears, insecurities, and desires could be unconsciously driving your actions and relationship building with BIPOC persons and communities.
Pause to consider:
-
the costs of these patterns in the long run both for the well-being of BIPOC people and for the depth and sustainability of the relationships you build;
-
what you would need to unlearn to enable healthier and more generative relationships with people from BIPOC backgrounds;
-
how you might be expecting BIPOC people to hold space for your unlearning and have patience with your inevitable mistakes;
-
how this expectation places a demand on BIPOC people’s time and labour, and requires them to re-live painful and traumatic experiences and frustrations;
-
how the labour that is expected of BIPOC people could be better acknowledged, rewarded, and better yet, (re)distributed in your institutional context.
Finally, consider how the “Fragility Questions” below can help you go deeper, recognizing that this exercise is only a starting point in an ongoing, life-long process of historical and systemic undoing, unlearning, and disinvesting from harmful cognitive, affective, and relational patterns.
Fragility Questions:
-
What do you expect, what are you afraid of, what prompts defensiveness? Who is this really about?
-
What underlying attachments may be directing your thinking, actions and relationships?
-
What cultural ignorances do you continue to embody and what social tensions are you failing to recognize?
-
What truths are you not ready, willing, or able to speak or to hear? What fantasies/delusions are you attached to?
-
What fears, perceptions, projections, desires and expectations could be informing (consciously and unconsciously) what you are doing/thinking? How may these things be affecting your relationships in negative ways?
-
Where are you stuck? What is keeping you there? How can you distinguish between escapist distractions and the work that needs to be done?
-
How do we learn to surrender perceived entitlements and underlying desires that become a barrier to our ability to have difficult conversations and go into difficult spaces together, without relationships falling apart?
-
How can being overwhelmed and disillusioned be productive?
-
What do you need to give up or let go of in order to go deeper? What is preventing you from being present and listening deeply without fear and without projections?
Further reading: Sara Ahmed’s book “ On Being Included Racism and Diversity in Institutional Life” (2012) analyzes the ways that many institutions create EDI statements that assert they are committing to address systemic racism and colonialism, and then act as if the statement itself has done the work of change. These statements become symbolic and ‘non-performative’ when they are not accompanied by substantive difficult work on the part of the institution and its white members to interrupt racist and colonial patterns. In turn, BIPOC people often end up shouldering the labour of institutional change – and in many cases, being punished for trying to do it well.
No One Matters Until Black Lives Matter
June 4, 2020
I don’t know where to begin so I guess I’ll just jump right in. I want to talk about race. Better yet, I want to talk about racism. When I talk about racism, I am talking more specifically about white supremacy in the United States of America.
It is hard to talk about this stuff for many reasons. For one, all the terms are disputable to some degree. Secondly, there are dual risks that people feel. On the one hand, people feel threatened by racism itself. This is the most important risk, I think, because ignoring this risk would undo the whole thing, assuming that we want to oppose racism and white supremacy. On the other hand, people who may not feel threatened by racism directly, feel threatened by being perceived to be a racist. They may not feel like they are directly threatened by racism but they do feel like they don’t want to fall into the category of being a racist. They want to be good or at least not so bad as to be a racist. This group seems less morally at risk to me, but I do think we can see why they feel this way. I think this hooded shame of being seen as a racist is a good thing because grave moral evil ought to produce guilt and fear.
When you put together the sense of urgency by the one directly threatened by racism and the other one’s fear of being perceived as racist and add to that the disputable terms, it is hard to communicate. This is all subjective and can shift around. There are even little subgroups with their own unique threats and fears and risks. The very idea of race is also slippery. Truth be told, we do not have a full grasp of what race, ethnicity, identity and more are. Some people like to jump on this lack of precision to sow doubt into the whole thing. Others double-down and end up in overly rigid positions that exclude real people, including themselves. I could go on and on. There is nothing easy here.
At the exact same time, we must be willing to accept the reality of racism and, in our time and place in the USA, white supremacy. There is no room to ignore or minimize this reality. It may be hard to figure out in the abstract or amongst different personal interests, but it is plain to see in the historical past and present. When you see someone who has collapsed and is unconscious, you do not need to know who they are exactly and you do not need to understand the nature of consciousness to accept the reality in front of you and the moral responsibility it entails. No one who sees someone who appears to be severely hurt should be skeptical or cynical about the appearance. Even if the reality is different, the demand of the appearance is nothing to scoff at.
Today we have seen plenty of reality and some try to throw tiny disputes of appearance at that. You cannot needle-away Chattel Slavery, Jim Crow, and their strange fruit. An entire decade of vandals and looters and rioters would never erase the legal sale of people and their legal degradation across nearly two centuries of a nation not yet three centuries old. Economic depression and loss of capital gains and even personal property will fare poorly in the moral court where people were once actual property, valued as capital, and denied access to anything of their own of proportional value to those they joined as free people.
I do not need to know who I am or what my exact ethnic and racial identity is or what the concept of race means or what the nature of “a people” or “a nation” is to see the all-too-often socially unconscious reality of racism, buoyed by historical racial prejudice and imaged and voiced by the recent anti-Black events we have seen in horror. The complexity of race is not an excuse to delay addressing racism directly. Most of all, the harm and injury to the person who is unconscious on the ground is not morally about you. The only person who might hesitate to help the injured person is the one who injured them in the first place.
The point I am making is that Black Lives Matter. This is about race, racism, and white supremacy. It is also about other things. It is also NOT about some things. What is most important to me, however, is that we realize that these three words are the anthem, they are the refrain. They are not enough but they are something and the truth they point to is hard to deal with. It is painful. It extends well beyond Black people without decentering them and their place in this nation. Imagine the tragedy of needing to say to people, “I, too, am a person.” When you hear this tragic song and join the singing, you do not lose your personhood, you only regain a sister and a brother.
Black Lives Matter is an anthem meant to dismantle white supremacy, it is the same song of freedom that Black is Beautiful and so many other refrains have resounded in the past. Everyone should sing this anthem. For some of us, we will sing it for the ones we love who are not ourselves. For some of us, we will sing it with shame and remorse for our sins and our faults. I know I will sing it that way. Some of us will sing it as an act of penance and a plea for forgiveness. Those who refuse to sing, who say “I have nothing to confess,” they are the ones who need to hear it most. Or, perhaps, those of us who sing Black Lives Matter sing it so that our beautiful Black brothers and sisters can hear it sung in a different voice and know that they do not sing alone this time.
What I am trying to say is that I do not deny how tricky and complicated and difficult this issue is. I relish digging into it. My own life story is fraught and mixed and, often, quite confusing. I do not know who I am. I am a Mexican-American who is both and neither Mexican and American. I am a Tejano and Texican who lives in Canada. But this is not about me, really, and the only way it is about me is in the way that rises above the reefs and weeds of complexity and first-person anecdote and reaches a universal moral depth where Black Lives Matter is the only option for the human race today. No one’s life matters until Black Lives Matter.
This is the kerygma, the good news, for today: Black Lives Matter. This news is good because it exposes and opposes the evil we see on the news, a scandal where a collective Cain bitterly and cynically asks “Am I my brother’s keeper?” as their brother bleeds and dies. The good news is this: Black Lives Matter can save the Black person from mortal death and the white person from moral decay. Those of us who are neither Black nor white cannot pretend that these options are not also our own stark burdens and the key to our own mortal and moral survival.
Black Lives Matter. Dismantle racism. Root out the evil of white supremacy not only in your own heart but in the collective heart we form as a society. With good hearts, we can attend to everything else there is to attend to without fear. If you are lucky enough to not need to fear racists then don’t let racism scare you. Be brave like the one who justly fears the racist must be and is being right now. Black Lives Matter.