To: Meagan Rosenberg, English 301 Student
From: Janice Pang, English 301 Student 
Date: December 08, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Application Package Draft
Hello Meagan,
Thank you for preparing an application package draft for the Children’s Oral Health Initiative (COHI) – Registered Dental Hygienist position at the Naandwechige-Gamig Wikwemikong Health Centre. The application package is well-organized and mostly thorough, with resume requiring additional details. Please see below for some suggestions for the application package:
First Impressions
- Writing for the cover letter, résumé and reference request letters is succinct and professional. Excellent.
- Minimizing the use of contractions in writing formal letters will improve precision of the writing.
Job Posting
- Job posting selected for the application package closely aligns with previous work experiences. Excellent.
- Reference of the source of the job posting is formatted correctly using MLA format. Well done.
Cover Letter
- Ensuring full name is included in the recipient’s address is important for indicating clearly the recipient of the cover letter.
- Minimizing generalizations such as “seeking a more rewarding career” will improve clarity of career vision and give employers an idea of intended goals for the job if selected for the position.
- Mentioning of experience practicing on a First Nations reserve is succinct. The experience is highly relevant to the job application. Excellent.
- Including technical skills mentioned in the job posting in the cover letter is a great way to highlight a candidate’s suitability for a job. Well done.
- Ending with “please” and giving specific contact information is polite, precise and concise writing reflecting a good understanding of writing with “you” attitude. Great job!
Resume
- Tailoring objective statement in resume to the specific job application shows attention to detail. A suggestion would be considering stating immediate and long-range goals within the objective statement.
- Ensuring years are properly aligned in the education of resume will enhance clarity of the resume.
- Stating school and then degree and honours in separate lines under the education section may allow for easy reading and enhance organization of the section.
- Utilizing bullet points to succinctly describe responsibilities and accomplishments for each work experience will allow employers to quickly locate the key qualities required for the position.
- Including accomplishment statements for each work experience is important for specifying a candidate’s impact towards an organization they previously worked at. Accomplishment statements include a description of both an action and a result.
Reference Request Letters
- Beginning the letters with a personable and positive tone is a great segue to the reference request. Excellent!
- Stating an overview of the job application requiring a reference request is important in helping the contact understand the reasoning for the request. Good job in briefly describing the job position.
- Incorporating a short description of the qualifications and qualities the potential employer is seeking for the position could be helpful information for the contact considering the reference request.
Overall, the application package for the Children’s Oral Health Initiative (COHI) – Registered Dental Hygienist position at the Naandwechige-Gamig Wikwemikong Health Centre is professionally written. The application package will be further enhanced with the following edits:
- Reducing the use of contractions to improve precision of the writing in the cover letter and reference request letters
- Incorporating accomplishment statements in the résumé
- Stating the credentials the potential employer is seeking in the reference request letters
I hope the suggestions help you in preparing the final application package. If you have any questions or need further clarifications, please feel free to contact me at janice.pang@alumni.ubc.ca.
Application package draft from this peer review can be found here.
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