Date: Dec 9, 2019
Peer Reviewer: Yury Zhuk, (ENGL 301 Student)
Author: Tarandeep Atwal, (ENGL 301 Student)
Review of Formal Report Draft
Submission URL
Hello Tarandeep,
Thank you for your Formal Report Draft submission about “Minimizing Caries Risk in Adolescent Clients at Springdale Family Dental. It is excellently written and well-structured, but could be improved with the suggestions outlined below.
First Impressions
The first impressions were only positive, and the great amount of effort placed into this work is evident. The report is professionally written and has a clear structure that is easy to follow. The conclusions seem logical based on the primary and secondary results obtained. However, the following changes to the report may improve its credibility:
- Attaching the survey and interview questions to the report will give the reader better insight into the conclusions reached
- Including in-text citations will make the secondary sources of research more obvious. For example, the risks named in the Risk Factors for Caries section can be annotated with the source of the information
Title Page
The title page includes all the relevant information needed, including the names of the reader and author, as well as a title and the date. A minor change can be made to how the names of the readers are presented:
- Separating the names with a comma may improve readability
Table of Contents
The table of contents is well designed and informative. It also matches each section with the correct page number. However, the formatting could be improved:
- Indenting the sub-titles (A, B, C, etc.) will make it clearer that they are subtitles. This will also help the major headings stand out.
Abstract
The abstract is missing– Although this is not necessary for a first draft, it is important to include it in the final version to introduce the report.
Introduction
The introduction is very thorough and functions well to provide background for the topic of the report.
- There are a few technical words that may be unfamiliar to a person unfamiliar with the dental profession, such as the definition of dental caries and “recare.” Although your audience will likely be aware of what these terms mean, a clarification and strict definition will make the objective of the report more clear.
Description of Problem
The description of the problem is clear and succinct. It introduces enough background of the dental profession, the clinic, and the particular risk to adolescents.
Background of Caries Process
The background of the disease is informative and its cause is clearly stated. Adding the following may also help the readers’ understanding:
- A clear definition of “dental caries” will ensure that the reader is thinking of the same problem in the same scope and context, even if they already know what it means
Purpose of Report
The purpose of the report is clear and it connects well with the previous sections in the introduction
Description of Sources
The descriptions of both the primary and secondary sources is clear.
- Also stating the reason for choosing these particular sources of information will better justify the methods of the report. For instance, giving a brief overview of the types of questions in the surveys may help explain how they were meant to assess adolescents’ knowledge level of caries
Scope of Inquiry
The scope of the inquiry makes the questions you will address clear to the readers.
- Expanding the information may make it clearer how deeply the topic will be investigated in the report:
- For example, “It will also help to determine the necessity of preventive measures that could substantially minimize the caries incidence,” may be expanded to state whether or not the impact of various preventative measures will be estimated/tested or if that information is readily available.
Data Section
The data section is informative with helpful visual aids and the survey information is presented well. There are a few ways in which this section can be improved:
- Including sources for risk factors and dental implications of caries will add credibility to the information. If this information was obtained via the interview, this should be stated
- Adding more structure to the way the information is presented may help the readers see the logical flow of your conclusions. Tying the survey and interview results to the inferences more explicitly may also help with this.
- Providing the specific questions asked in the surveys and interviews, with their corresponding answers may help to highlight the insights obtained from them
Survey and Interview Results
The survey and interview results function well in explaining the conclusions at the end of this report.
- Separating the interviews and surveys into their own categories, with the specific questions and answers will help add structure to the report.
- Quoting the interviewee(s) and their responses to the interview will make it clearer how the conclusions were arrived at.
Conclusion
The conclusion is well-written and ties the other sections of the report together well. The summary and interpretation of findings clearly ties to the information in the Data section. However:
- Under the “Summary and Interpretation of Findings” section, stating which portions of the interview and/or surveys lead to the stated conclusion will better-demonstrate the reasoning of the conclusion.
- For example, when it is stated that “The results […] conclude that the dental team is optimistic about addressing the caries problem in adolescent clients,” there can be a reference to the responses that indicate optimism.
Recommendations
The recommendations provided are consistent with the interpretation of the findings and are well-backed with the information provided. This section can be improved with a few changes:
- It may be helpful to explain how the recommendations go beyond the current dental practices and justify how the recommended methods will succeed where other methods have failed.
- For example, when it is stated that “Therefore, it is important to emphasize to clients at every recare appointment the importance of healthy diet that limits refined sugars.” It may be helpful to state that this is not part of the regular dental appointments or not a topic of focus.
- Relating the proposed recommendations further with the information obtained from primary and secondary sources may help to justify the recommendations.
- This is done well in the sentence “Evidence based research has shown promising success of pit and fissure sealants in preventing and managing caries risk.,” and a similar explanation may be helpful for the other recommendations.
- Explicitly stating which parts of the primary/secondary sources are responsible for the conclusion will make help highlight the evidence behind the claims.
References
The first reference is done well and the source is properly cited. However,
- The link in the second reference should be reformatted according to the MLA format
Grammar and Style
The grammar and style of this report is overall excellent. The report is engaging and well-written, with may technical writing principles applied. The “YOU” attitude is practiced and imperatives and negatives are avoided.
- In the “Scope of inquiry” section, the first sentence should be modified to clarify the subject. For example, it may be changed from “The scope of inquiry will help assess […],” to “The scope of inquiry will help assess […].”
- Under the Recommendations, the sentence “The clients should also be reminded the importance of proper and atleast twice daily brushing and flossing” can be rephrased for clarity as “The clients should also be reminded of the importance of proper and at least bidaily brushing and flossing.”
- A few extra spaces may be removed to improve the formatting of the document, such as in the Brief Background on Caries Process section
Conclusion
This report is very thorough and informative, and provides a clear benefit to the readers via your detailed research. In summary, here are some recommendations that could improve the report further:
- Attaching the survey and interview questions
- Indenting the sub-titles in the Table of Contents
- Including and Abstract
- Clearly defining technical words
- Providing more reasoning for the choice of primary sources
- Adding more structure to the data section
- Expanding the survey results and displaying the responses
- Tying the conclusion together with the data
It was a pleasure reading your report and I enjoyed reviewing it. I hope you can benefit from these suggestions; please email me if you have any questions.
Thank you,
Yury
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