I’m going in for my first law school exam today. 

I know, I know. They’re fail safe. They’re only an hour. They’re not worth anything.

It doesn’t mean I’m not super nervous. I did an undergrad in psych and I can’t say I’ve ever felt really nervous before an exam. You get a little flutter, just enough to keep you alert and energised so that you don’t end up sloppy or asleep. It’s the Yerkes-Dodson optimal stress theory. As someone who performed on stages her whole life, optimal stress for optimal performance is my default.

But then the LSAT happened. The first time I went to write the LSAT I had a panic attack. I’d never experienced a panic attack before so I was unsure as to what was happening. I just remember being so terrified of going into that exam, crying uncontrollably, and being unable to breathe. It was terrible. Obviously, the story ends well, considering I’m in law school, writing this, however, that experience never left me. And now with these law school exams lined up and waiting, I’m not so much nervous for the actual exams, I’m nervous for myself. Will I crack under the pressure? Will my brain and body fail me? Will my computer decide to crash instead?

This blog post really has no point other than to get my 1L thoughts “on paper”. I AM nervous. I am a little scared. But I’m also confident that I’m going to be okay. I mean, I did the readings, I went to class, I studied the concepts and the cases and I did my best to prepare. Exams are a way for profs to ensure that what they put out, is what comes back. If I totally missed something or misunderstood it, it’ll be a good check in to help get me back on track.

In the end, they’re just exams I guess. Even the hardest exams I wrote in undergrad, even the ones I did really badly on… I still made it out alive. I still got into law school. It’ll be fine.

Right?