Category Archives: Miscellaneous

On May 18 the Atlanta Braves announced they would be holding Christian “Faith Nights” at Turner Field this season.

Since that date:

• The Braves have won 10 and lost 22.
• They have lost 19 of their last 22 games and are 2-17 in June.
• Currently, they have a nine game losing streak (the club’s longest such streak in 18 years) and they are 14 1/2 games behind the NY Mets in the NL East (their largest deficit since 1990 when Atlanta finshed last (26 games out of first place).
• Overall they are 30-42, that’s 12 games under .500—another low point for the franchise since the end of the 1990 season.

After winning 14 straight Division pennants, there’s only one explanation for what’s happening to the Braves…it must be the curse of the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

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1. The United States Justice Department is asking Internet companies to keep records on the Web-surfing activities of their customers to aid law enforcement, and may propose legislation to force them to do so.

2. A North Carolina senator has introduced legislation to require fingerprinting and criminal-background checks for all students enrolling at the state’s 16 public universities, beginning in the fall of 2007. Prospective students could be charged for the background checks, which, under the legislation, would be conducted by the state’s Bureau of Investigation or the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

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Well I’m just back from Greenville, NC where I attended my daughter’s graduation from East Carolina University.

One of the sidebar highlights of my trip to NC was the chance to indulge in some Carolina BBQ—one of the great contributions of The Old North State to western civilization.

In North Carolina barbeque is a noun, not a verb, and means the whole hog (or at least pork shoulder). And the sauces in NC are vinegar-based (altough Western NC BBQ, usually called “Lexington Style” adds a bit of tomato base), but I still like mustard-based sauce I grew up with in West Columbia, South Carolina, which is epitomized by <a href=”Maurice’s Piggy Park BBQ.

[Note that even though Maurice is a right-wing nut case who wants to resurrect the Old South and whose restaurant is attached to a Christian missionary operation…his BBQ is mighty fine.]

My first stop this past weekend was in Zebulon (outside of Raleigh) at Smithfield’s Chicken ‘N Bar-B-Q for some spicy BBQ (and sweet tea)—hold the sauce because this stuff is just about the perfect pulled pork (and the slaw, potato salad and hush puppies are fine too).

But, the pièce de résistance was my visit to B’s Barbeque in Greenville. My buddy Roger tipped me off to B’s and I waited in a long line last Saturday before ECU graduation to get me a barbeque sandwich (with slaw) and some sweet tea. The wait was worth it as this just might be the best barbeque I’ve ever had. Sooo sweet and tasty…I was devastated that the place was closed on Sunday and Monday (my last days in town).

B’s is so good the folks in Greenville named the road it’s located on after the place.

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A student at Crown College, a Bible college in Tennessee, said he thought he was following God’s instructions when he dressed up in a ninja costume and set fire to a local adult bookstore, the Knoxville News Sentinel reported last Thursday.

The student confessed the act of arson to the authorities after a car accident persuaded him that God might not have endorsed his incendiary protest.

Now, the fate of 20-year-old Benjamin Daniel Warren rests with a Knox County grand jury, and an adult bookstore manager is hoping his case will be treated as a hate crime.

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I’m not making this up!

BATF agents run amok at UGa

Running through the University of Georgia campus as a ninja can elicit a prompt response from authorities, a UGA sophomore learned.

Federal Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearm agents, on campus for a community training project, detained Jeremiah Ransom of Macon Tuesday as a “suspicious individual” when they spotted a masked figure darting near the Georgia Center.

Ransom told The Red & Black student newspaper that he had left a Wesley Foundation pirate vs. ninja event when he was snared by agents with guns drawn.

“It was surreal,” Ransom said. “I was jogging from Wesley to Snelling (cafeteria) when I heard someone yell `freeze.'” At first, he thought a friend was playing a joke.

University Police Chief Jimmy Williamson said Ransom was released as soon as he was found to have violated no laws.

Vanessa McLemore, the ATF special agent in charge, said agents thought something was amiss when they “noticed someone wearing a bandanna across the face and acting in a somewhat suspicious manner, peeping around the corner” then breaking into a run.

Williamson said Ransom was wearing black sweat pants and an athletic T-shirt with one red bandanna covering the bottom half of his face and another covering the top of his head.

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Well, I’m back to the grind of blogging after taking some time off to attend the American Educational Research Association meeting in San Francisco (and then visit friends in California wine country). It’s a tough job, but I guess someone has to do it.

After whining about all the stress of preparing a few presenations for AERA I was stunned to see that Money Magazine says I have almost the best job in America.

My buddy Ken, who obviously has lot’s of time on his hands to read superfluous publications like Money, tipped me off to my supposed good fortune.

Well, best get back to the excruciating work of professing…

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The Onion: Duke University Equestrian Team Hoping To Avoid Investigation Into Their Sex Scandal

April 6, 2006 | Issue 42•14

DURHAM, NC—Mere weeks after members of their university’s lacrosse team were accused of sexually assaulting exotic dancers, ranking Duke polo and equestrian team members are downplaying rumors that they repeatedly engaged in acts of exotic sexual misconduct during the infamously out-of-control parties held at the team’s off-campus barn.

“We’ve done nothing wrong, veterinarians will find no evidence—DNA or otherwise—showing that horses have been assaulted, and of course no charges have been filed,” said senior Nat Hennerty, captain of Duke’s equestrian squad and a two-time Most Valuable Rider, in a prepared statement to the press Tuesday. “I urge the media, the alumni, and the people of the community to remember that we at Duke are an elite university and disregard any obvious hearsay.”

“Especially anything regarding suspicious bruises or abrasions suffered by the men of the team, allegations that certain horses have not been cantering normally as of late, or photos supposedly showing Duke student-athletes wearing nothing but English riding boots and engaged in sexual congress with tranquilized horses while whipping them with riding crops,” Hennerty added.

While no formal accusations have been made, students claim the outrageous behavior of Duke’s elite equestrian squad has become campus legend.

“I’ve never been to one of their parties, but everyone at Duke has heard the rumors,” said a sophomore who spoke on condition of anonymity, saying she wished to protect herself from possible retaliation by the “privileged elites” who make up Duke’s top-tier riding clubs. “Everyone’s drinking, the lights in the stable go down, someone gets some saddle soap and a curry-comb…. pretty soon everyone’s bareback, they’re playing ‘strip dressage,’ strange lathered-up fillies are prancing around… It’s only a matter of time before someone becomes Catherine the Great.”

Although no Duke equestrian sports team has ever come under official scrutiny, an informal examination of team medical records shows that Duke riders are four times more likely to suffer unusual injuries, such as broken bones from startled horses stepping back onto riders’ feet, deep horse bites in or around the groin area, or massive internal trauma along with explosive perforation of the colon. Duke teams also lead the nation, and organized horsemanship in general, in the sudden destruction of large livestock for unrecorded or sketchily documented reasons.

Despite the rumors and mounting evidence of mount abuse, few in the university believe that the team will be subjected to the possible disgrace of a joint university/SPCA investigation.

“These guys were brought up to believe that they can have any horse or woman they want, and that’s unconscionable—but a formal investigation would tear this campus apart,” history professor Woodrow Peterson said. “After all, the Duke University community barely tolerated the systematic sexual abuse of two black women at the hands of its students. If word got out that valuable horses had been treated that way, this place would explode.”

© Copyright 2006, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.

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**E’s picks for 2006**

NL East

1. Atlanta

(They win for the umpteenth year, this time w/o Rockin’ Leo)

2. NY Mets

(Because Tommy Glavine has a great year at 40. Whelan is happy for a while, until Cards take out the Mets in the Division Series)

3. Philadelphia

(Aaron Rowand a steal for Thome)

4. Washington

(Soriano is more liability than asset in LF and Fick can’t make up for that)

5. Florida

(Not enough experience to go with Willis and Cabrera)

NL Central

1. St. Louis

(Unstoppable, they take it all this year)

2. Houston

(Will Clemens return? Berkman, Preston Wilson good adds)

3. Chicago

(If Prior and Woods stay off the DL)

4. Pittsburgh

(Jim Tracey leads B.C. boy Jason Bay plus Sean Casey, Burnitz … too bad the Pirates traded Aramis Ramirez last year otherwise they might nip at Houston’s heels)

5. Milwaukee

(Corey Koskie to the rescue…nah!!)

6. Cincinnati

(Gave up good hitting for average pitching)

NL West (aka the worst division in MLB)

1. San Francisco

(Bonds is bum; should quit before he does dishonor to Hank and The Babe)

2. San Diego

(Gibson makes a comeback from glory days at Cranbrook School in Bloomfield Hills and nearly sends Pads to the playoffs; then gets traded to the Tigers in the off season, refuses to go citing previous experience at the River Rouge Ford Plant and chooses to retire from playing and becomes manager of the Florida Marlins, but Marlins move to Las Vegas before spring training 07, which prompts Gibson to make a speech castigating the role of casinos in American society and announce his return to academia.)

3. Los Angeles

(No way they could finish third in any other division)

4. Arizona

(Lots of moves, I like Estrada as the catcher, but unless they hire Dr. K. D. V. to manage they’re finishing out of the money)

5. Colorado

(I like Ray King a lot and Jose Mesa, but adding these guys to the bullpen is not going to change the fortunes of the Rockies)

AL East

1. Toronto

(Because they’re on TV a lot here; I hate the Yankees and am tired of the Bosox (sorry Ken))

2. New York Yanquis

(Adding Damon makes a difference)

3. Boston

(Losing Damon hurts)

4. Baltimore

(Go Rockin Leo! Did I mention I saw Palmeiro hit #3000 last year, right after he had a “vitamin” shot)

5. Tampa Bay

(Should have hired Gibson to manage this year)

AL Central

1. Cleveland

(The Tribe takes the division; Perry buys me tickets to go to the playoffs)

2. Minnesota

(Everybody loves the Twins this year but can pitching be the difference in the AL?)

3. Chicago

(Two in a row? I don’t think so.)

4. Detroit

(No way Leyland can salvage the Tigers)

5. Kansas City

(Gardenhire will be so distracted trying to fill out a line up card with Mientkiewicz and Grudzielanek in the first two slots he can’t concentrate on managing)

AL West

1. Oakland

(I always liked those shoes)

2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

(Would finish first but for that name)

3. Texas

(Millwood with hitting behind him should make a difference)

4. Seattle

(What the hell happened in Seattle the past couple of years? But I love that “Ichiro” cheer)

NL Wildcard: New York Mets
AL Wildcard: New York Yanquis

World Series: Cleveland v. St. Louis (Cards prevail)

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