I write this post in hopes of sharing my story about breaking a cycle of negative thoughts and rebuilding my self-esteem. I know that there are others out there in similar situations and I hope to let you know that you’re not alone in tackling this.
Personally, I’ve always been a perfectionist and my own biggest critic. I’ve noticed that I tend to belittle myself when I fail at something or when I don’t do as well as I wanted to. Now, some constructive feedback from yourself or from others never hurts and can even help you improve on what you’re trying to do. But when you start beating yourself up with harsh comments that only damage your self-esteem, then this is nothing but unhealthy for your mental health.
In my life, I admit that there were times when I failed and told myself things that I would never tell another person because of how cruel they sound. Needless to say, this crippled my self-esteem and started a negative cycle of thoughts that was very difficult to break out of. The more I dwelled on these thoughts, the more I believed in them. I started believing that I wasn’t good enough. I started believing that I was a failure and that I could no longer rise up to the expectations that I set for myself.
And what exactly did these beliefs help me achieve? They helped me achieve the exact opposite of my goals. Having this negative mindset and low self-esteem can be physically and mentally draining. Looking back on it, I can clearly see its effects on my academics, my relationships with my friends and family, and my personal life. I began to lose concentration and sight of what my goals were. I started to think that I was stuck in a rut and that nothing that I could do would have helped me get out of it. My negative beliefs were actually starting to become a reality.
Breaking out of the cycle was a difficult process and for me, it started with writing. As a way to release the negative thoughts, I tried writing them down as they came across my mind. When I read them back at a later time, it became a way for me to clearly see how harsh I was being towards myself. My own cruel and belittling comments were physically visible on paper and I became appalled at the negative voice behind these words. Because of this, I wrote down comments that had the opposite effect. I tried writing encouraging and helpful words in hopes that I would start to believe in these more than the negative ones.
I did this writing exercise countless times and I slowly started to rebuild my self-esteem. During times when I wrote down words that were too negative for me to counter, I simply crumpled up the paper and threw it away. Doing those kinds of things gave me strength because it helped me realize that I was able to make the choice to not succumb to the negativity.
In sharing this story with you, I also hope to remind you that the choice of believing or standing against these negative thoughts is yours. These are not just thoughts that live in your mind. They can become overwhelming if you keep feeding them, just as I and many others have experienced. Yes, we have our weaknesses, but more importantly, we also have our own unique strengths. We are not and cannot be defined by only our bad sides. This is something I firmly believe in and try to live by. For anyone, including that self-deprecating voice, that attempts to say otherwise, I choose to stand strong and prove them wrong.
I strongly hope that you will do the same.
Written by: Roumaine Soliveres