I have two sisters. One is older than me, has achieved incredible things with her life, and she’s depressed. One is much younger than me, has potential to surpass all of us with her intellect and wit, and she has anxiety (and is probably one of the most neurotic people I’ve ever encountered – not including myself of course).
We grew up in a household that wouldn’t let us really discuss all of our mental health struggles. So the three of us handled it on our own.
Sort of.
My older sister starting confiding in me during high school. We’re close in age, but we still lead different lives with different goals. I was more interested in having fun while she was interested in studying.
When I graduated from high school, she started to share with me more, and we started to talk, and I became someone that she would turn to for advice. I became a bit of a crutch.
Don’t get me wrong: I am incredibly proud to be that person for her. However, while having to make sure she was reassured, I forgot to take care of me.
Cut to two years later and my little sister is now in high school. She has two older sisters guiding her through school and she’s doing stellar and is way cooler than the both of us combined. (Side note: Is this something everyone else is noticing? Why are teenagers so COOL, aren’t they supposed to be weird and awkward, what is HAPPENING?)
But she recently confides in us about her stress and anxiety, and because I was raised the way I was raised, we spoke about it with different words and named it different things. I comforted her the best I could and encouraged her in ways I wished I was encouraged when I was her age.
Now I was in a new phase of my life. One where my older sister relied on me like she would on a professional, while at the same time I felt responsible for my younger sister’s mental health.
Looking back on that time now I realize that my own personal outbursts, emotional breakdowns, and struggles may have been because of how trapped I felt. What I didn’t realize was that the more self-aware I was, the happier I was, the more stable I was – the better I was able to help my family.
It was after spending some time away and being able to care for myself and have my own freak outs was I able to see that.
It is not selfish to take care of yourself first. I would die for my sisters. But I want to be healthy and strong enough so that I could fight for them first.
Written by Annie Wu