Editing out Unnecessary words.
Tips:
- edit out the pronouns
- stay in present tense
Example:
“I have reviewed your 1:3 Definitions Assignment on the term ‘stack’. As someone with little knowledge on computer science, you did a great job defining and explaining the term. The types of expanded definitions you chose were effective and helpful in understanding a stack’s purpose and application. I also appreciated the way you framed expanded definition types as questions, as it really emphasizes the ‘you’ perspective. I’d like to make some suggestions on how to make your definition even better: …” (81 words)
Rewrite:
This is an excellent definition of the term ‘stack’ for a novice reader. The expanded definitions are effective and helpfully explain both the purpose and applications of ‘stacks.’ The framing of expanded definitions as questions emphasizes the “YOU” perspective and is appreciated. Following are suggestions for improvements (47 words) :
Tip: Clarity is as important as conciseness
- The word ‘it’ is to be avoided
EXAMPLE: “At first, I found that it is challenging to find the right words to explain it.” (16 words)
REWRITE: “Finding the right words to explain the term ‘gentrification’ is challenging. (11 words; clear and concise)
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MORE EXAMPLES:
EXAMPLE: “I have reviewed your draft for the definition of “intersectionality.” Having never heard of this word, I am impressed that you were able to describe this word in a way that made it easy for non-technical readers to understand. Upon reading your assignment over one time, I was able to gain a full understanding of your definition for the word “intersectionality.” There was adequate information laid out, that takes into account how much information is required for a non-technical reader to be educated on this word. Thank you for your hard work. I would like to offer a few suggestions for improvement:…” (102 words).
REWRITE: Your definitions of ‘intersectionality’ are easy for a novice reader to understand, a first read enables a full understanding of the term and provides an impressive amount of accessible information. Following are a few suggestions for improvements: ….” (40 words).
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EXAMPLE:
Initial Impression: I thought that this post is, for the most part, thorough and well-written. I was able to understand what “scrum” is without too much analysis. The only section I wasn’t able to easily understand was the second paragraph of the Expanded Definition; I’m still slightly unclear on what exactly Agile is. Additionally, I don’t think the parenthetical definition is formatted correctly. I think it should first include the term, and then its definition in parentheses. I would only suggest small edits to this piece, including clarifying that paragraph and improving phrasing in a few other places (98 words).
REWRITE:
This post is well-written, for the most part. The second paragraph of the Expanded definition is unclear and the parenthetical definition appears to be incorrectly formatted; include the term first and then the parentheses. There are a number of small edits necessary to clarify the expanded definition and improve phrasing (50 words).
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EXAMPLE: “ I found the format of your proposal to be very clearly organized and easy to follow along. My main suggestion would be to separate the information about your audience into a different subsection, just so the intended reader is easily identifiable.”
REWRITE: Formatting is clearly organized, except the ‘Audience’ description needs a separate subsection at the beginning of the proposal to clearly identify the intended reader.
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Writing tip: TAKE OUT THE PEOPLE
Example: “The first part of unit 2:2 required students to research and suggest ten best practices for LinkedIn profiles to their teammates, which gave students to a better idea on how to build a good profile. Furthermore, neither did I personally have a LinkedIn profile myself before, nor did I know how to build an effective and professional one.”
Rewrite: The unit began with researching and writing a peer-to-peer memo providing ten best practices for creating a LinkedIn profile, this provided a foundation for building my first effective and professional profile.
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