To: Thomas Howey
From: Jenny Zhu
Date: October 10, 2019
Subject: 301 Jenny Zhu – Lesson 2:1 Peer review of formal report proposal
Thank you for a well-thought out and captivating formal report proposal. There are already some great ideas and I hope my suggestions will help with your formal report.
First Impressions:
This proposal addresses an important issue on campus with clear reasoning and evidence. There were no mistakes that impeded understanding the piece.
Organization:
Formatting was standard and all sections were covered in good detail to create a thorough big picture. There was a nice flow of ideas instead of scattered thoughts.
Introduction:
The first sentence sets the tone well. Main ideas were clearly laid out in the intro. This sentence could be more concise by rewording the whole phrase or breaking it into two statements: “By identifying traits … use of these spaces.” By what I gather, this sentence is trying to express the need to modify student spaces according to students’ needs to increase space usage.
Statement of Problem:
The problem’s importance is evident in the first two sentences. However, have you considered the correlation between a space’s popularity and its location? What if no matter how desirable the building is, it still goes unused because it is far from everything else on campus? Also, how many buildings can be feasibly modified without impeding other functionnings of the building? For example, there is ample space in the ESB or in Ponderosa Oak House but perhaps there is a reason why those buildings are not suitable for studying. Finally, the word “though” does not seem necessary in this sentence: “As other study spaces … overabundance of study spaces.”
Proposed solution:
If you were to proceed with the identified problem, the solution seems logical. It may be worthwhile to consider if the suggestions for change are feasible ones. For instance, installing a few tables might be much easier than installing a few lights.
Scope:
After reading your questions, I have a few of my own:
- Are there any student bodies that deal with these issues in addition to the AMS Vice President Academic & University Affairs
- Is distance impeding/discouraging students to go to less central buildings? OR Is convenience encouraging students to use more centralized buildings (especially those close to the bus loop)?
- Is security an issue when deciding where to study?
Perhaps considering more specific questions will help in your research.
Methods:
Categorizing study spaces is a good idea, but how effective would these generalizations be, given the dynamic nature of each building on campus? How will you gather your data (surveys, interviews)? Is there a collection method that works better than another? Will you collect information from students from all faculties?
Conclusion:
This section is a good recap of the proposal and leaves readers wanting to take action.
Sources:
Double check that the format is APA or MLA.
Limitations:
Another limitation might obtaining a large enough sample size that is representative of the population.
Grammar/Typos:
- This is not necessarily a grammar mistake but perhaps it would be more professional to not use abbreviations in your formal report:
- In the introduction: max → maximum
- There are several spots where after a punctuation mark, there are two spaces instead of one. I found them with “control f”.
Concluding comments:
Your proposal was extremely thought-provoking (thank you for that). Please kindly consider these following suggestions for revision:
- Be more concise with expressing ideas
- Consider the problem of underused spaces from more angles
- Try to incorporate more synonyms
- E.g. Under “Proposed solution”, the word “identify/identifying” comes up 4 times, one in each sentence.
Best of luck in your research!
Link Thomas’s research proposal: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/09/28/lesson-2-1-research-proposal-for-formal-report/
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