TO: Huntley Bain
FROM: Connor Runnalls
DATE: October 16th, 2019
SUBJECT: Proposal Report Peer Review
Good evening Huntley,
I have completed the peer review of your research propsal. Below you will find the review as well as suggested revisions. There is a solid base here, great start!
First impressions:
Upon reading the proposal for improving resources and organization at Vancouver United FC, it is quite evident that significant personal experience is being expressed for the report. This experience is quite beneficial to the persuasiveness of the report (why it is necessary) and helps provide certain credibility. There are certain points in which the proposal is vague and points in which there is a certain misalignment from one section to the next, which are outlined below.
Layout and design:
The overall design of the document is clear and in order. The proposal was concise and relatively to the point, with a good flow from one point to the next.
Location and Background:
The proposal gives a strong statement with regards to who the proposal is designed for, why it is designed for them, and a slight foreshadow of what the issue at hand is.
The research location was a little difficult to understand as well as vague in location. There is a mention of West Vancouver, however, it appears as though it is all throughout Vancouver.
Note grammatical errors in the background details.
– Revise sentence beginning with “Since the changeover…”
Introduction:
The introduction describes VUFC and its role in the community quite nicely. The description entails why there is a divide in the organization, what roles the two sides of the divide have, and the issue that having this divide creates.
– Note: Punctuation
Statement of the Problem:
There is a clear, concise statement of the problem and ensuing consequence derived from the problem.
If it is possible to expand slightly into further detail, it would greatly benefit the point and proposal being made.
Proposed solution:
The proposed solution has validity but does not quite fully entail the solution in itself. Is the proposed central location a virtual location or physical location? The explanation behind the proposed solution is logical in how it would resolve the issue at hand. Furthermore, the alternative solution recommended appears to have a more clear cut solution and direct impact on the problem.
Scope:
The scope outlined in the proposal has relevant and measurable questions pertaining to the issue at hand, which is that of customer satisfaction. There is some disconnect between the proposed solution and the scope; however, as the proposed solution is not necessarily linked directly to the scope. Specifically, operationalizing the “location” of the proposed solution would aid significantly in connecting the dots with the scope.
Methods:
The methods section is easy to follow and is a fantastic start for the report as there is already information that is at the disposal, as well as incorporates credible sources for information. Furthermore, having direct contact with these direct sources, who are also in charge of implementing potential solutions is key for the long term change.
Qualifications:
The qualifications presented, as mentioned above, demonstrate excellent experience and knowledge of the problem. In addition, the coaching position allows for input from both sides of the ball to ensure that everybody is satisfied with implementations.
Conclusion:
The conclusion of the proposal efficiently summarizes the document. In addition, there are final pieces of support provided which demonstrate that change is welcome within the organization. This demonstration supports the notion that proposed solutions are welcomed for implementation, and could create an interesting project.
Grammatical:
As noted in the first couple of segments, some sentencing and punctuation errors could use some revising. Furthermore, be careful of punctuation, particularly in the scope section.
Summation:
Overall, this proposal is very intriguing and could impact the lives of thousands. The importance of youth sports in communities are countless, with further psychological research seemingly finding new benefits every other day. The combination of experience and ability to implement new solutions will get the ball rolling quickly for this project, and will hopefully create very positive results.
The most significant alterations that should be considered are listed below:
1) Operationalization of location for proposed solutions
2) Clarifying connections between the proposed solutions, scope, and methods sections
3) Clarifying VUFC and it’s prominence in the community
Proposed aid for the location: Consider perhaps what would be most easily accessed by everybody? Electronically would be easiest as Vancouver can, at times, be a pain to navigate. The issue would then be how does one monitor who is accessing such information (if there is sensitive information that needs to be protected). A physical location would create more work and perhaps more stress to access; however, it would ensure security if needed.
Ultimately, there is a solid base here for the proposal. Good luck, and hopefully, the outcome is as hoped for!
Please don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions you may have.
Sincerely,
Connor Runnalls
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