To: Thomas Howey
From: Jenny Zhu
Date: November 19, 2019
Subject: Lesson 3:1 Peer review of Writing with YOU-Attitude Assignment
Your memorandum to Evan Crisp was professional and appropriate. Your writing was free of major mistakes and adhered to the assignment guidelines. You-attitude was very evident, as seen in your use of “ing” verbs. Below are some minor suggestions that could make your writing even stronger.
First Impressions:
Your memo appeared to be well written and conveyed a helpful tone throughout. The language used was not harsh or too critical of Evan’s writing. You did a great job of encouraging the writer to improve their email, with their best interest in mind. There were no major grammar and spelling mistakes.
Organization:
The three main sections were well organized and nicely labeled, with the bulk of the advice in the middle section. The bullet point formatting could help the reader more easily extract pieces of information.
“Introduction”:
The intro was short, but clarified what the memo entailed. Your reader could quickly grasp the purpose of your piece through this section.
“Suggestions for writing a request about course registration”:
Your suggestions for writing an email geared towards respecting the reader demonstrates you-attitude. All these tips would be conducive to Evan’s writing quality. To increase their effectiveness, could they perhaps be ordered in a more logical fashion? For example, commenting on beginning of the email first then moving to the end, with general comments at the very end of the list.
“Conclusion”:
The conclusion contained a good summary of the main points in the memo, ending on a positive note. The sentence “It can be difficult at first…writing professional emails.” could show the reader your empathy towards their situation and encourage them to keep on trying. Your willingness to answer their questions also showed your enthusiasm to help.
Grammar/Typos:
Try making each point in “Suggestions” begin with an “ing” verb. All but one started with an “ing” verb. This may help increase coherence.
In the third point under the “Suggestions” section: “An email free of spelling and grammatical errors shows that effort was put into it’s writing.”, double check the usage of “it’s”.
Concluding comments:
To summarize:
- Try making all bulleted advice points under “Suggestions” start with “ing” verbs
- Try revisiting the usage of “it’s”
- The memo was professional, encouraging, and positive
Overall, this memo contains useful information and is presented in an organized manner. Great job on staying positive and putting your reader first throughout!
Link to Thomas’s assignment: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/10/29/3-1-memo-to-evan-crisp-thomas-howey/
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