To: Thomas Howey, ENGL 301 Student
From: Amy Vergouwen, ENGL 301 Student
Date: December 3, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft
The first draft of the report “Assessment of Factors Affecting Use of Study Spaces at UBC Vancouver Campus” was very well done and the subject matter was interesting. The topic was objective, positive, and YOU-attitude was well-used throughout. Below are a few suggestions you might consider to further improve the report.
Your first draft of the formal report is really well done. The topic and message trying to be conveyed is easily understood throughout the report, and the way the report is organized is effective.
All sections of the report are very well-organized and include appropriate headings and subheadings that ensure effective communication. All sections are free of large chunks of text and are well-organized.
Title Page and Table of Contents:
The title page is interesting and eye-catching due to the photo used. All necessary information is included. The font of the title does appear a bit large in comparison to the rest of the text on the title page. Table of contents are very well-organized. Is it necessary to list all 6 factors identified as important in study spaces? This could be removed and you could simply say “B. Factors identified as important in study spaces”.
The introduction introduces the reader to the topic concisely and effectively. Headings are used very well and help in breaking down each topic. Overall language used is professional and appropriate. The sentence “By analyzing the various traits of a popular study space compared to a less used space, this report aims to identify recommendations for traits to consider in the design of future study spaces, as well as to implement in current study spaces when feasible, in order to assist with advocacy for planning space use.” is a bit too wordy. Would you consider condensing it?
Findings and Analysis:
Description of types of spaces present at UBC campus:
This section is informative and concise and create a great baseline of understanding for the report.
Factors identified as important in study spaces:
Everything looks great here. A great addition to the data section is the making of inferences. This shows the reader that you are actively working to understand the problem in order to create recommendations. Great use of numbers, and the ratio of numbers to text is proportionate. Use of charts is also well done, although they appear to be slightly small. Could the charts be expanded slightly? Use of colour in charts is very good. Consider changing the tense of some terms (eg: prefer rather than preferred).
Use of external sources is great and is helpful to emphasize the point being made. The brightness and lighting chart was very blurry on my end – I am not sure if this is just an issue on my laptop, but you might consider slimming the chart down a bit to ensure clarity.
Results in context of spaces at UBC and the amount of use received:
This section is wonderfully written. It is clear, concise, and interesting to read. Great job.
Applying traits to improving future and existing study spaces:
Short term considerations
The use of the word “considerations” is great, as it is a fairly approachable and non-confrontational term. You are not telling the reader what they MUST do to fix this issue, you are simply suggesting something based on your research.
Long term considerations
“Type of lighting and amount” sounds slightly awkward, consider rewording to something like “Type and amount of lighting”. In this section, a long term solution of adding more light fixtures to the buildings is offered, but it is stated that it would be an extensive renovation. Could you take this one step further and research the approximate cost of additional lighting to inform the reader of the extent of the suggestion?
Everything in the conclusion looks great. It is a good summary of the research findings, and recapitulates the short and long term suggestions. The font in “summary of findings” is 12, and the font in “summary of recommendations” is 11.
Style and Design:
A positive and objective tone is used throughout, which helps keep the report non-accusatory and helpful. YOU-attitude was present throughout. Charts and graphs are well done and the use of visuals helps greatly in conveying the message of the report. Everything is labeled correctly which gives the reader ease that they know what they are looking at when reading the report.
Grammar and typos:
There are barely any errors present within the report. Below are two very minor ones to improve flow:
- Consider changing “type of lighting and amount” to “type and amount of lighting”.
- Consider condensing the sentence “By analyzing the various traits of a popular study space compared to a less used space, this report aims to identify recommendations for traits to consider in the design of future study spaces, as well as to implement in current study spaces when feasible, in order to assist with advocacy for planning space use.”, or make two sentences out of it.
The topic and message of the report is well-conveyed and easily understood. The report is to the point, well-organized, and is free of any major errors. YOU-attitude was present, and the tone was objective and positive. I am really looking forward to reading your final draft. Great work, Thomas. 🙂
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