To: Jobina Tamminga, ENGL 301 Student
From: Amy Vergouwen, ENGL 301 Student
Date: December 7, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Application Package
Hi Jobina! Thank you for submitting a great first draft of the application package. As per lesson 4.1, your application package has been peer reviewed. Please see my comments below on how to improve the next draft of your package.
First Impressions
Your application package was very well done and was enjoyable to read. The job position you have chosen to apply to is very interesting and suits your academic and professional experience very well. Provided below are a few suggestions that might help you improve sentence structure and flow throughout your document.
Job Advertisement
The job advertisement looks great. It is very clear on the qualifications and requirements you must possess to work at Amazon. The job advertisement is cited in correct MLA structure. There are a number of spaces between the end of the advertisement and the beginning of the MLA citation. Consider removing the spaces and putting the citation directly after the end of the ad to ensure flow of the document.
Cover Letter
The cover letter is done very well. It is very professional yet approachable, and is a great representation of yourself as an academic and as a professional. Motivation and ambition for the job are clearly portrayed when you state that you would be happy to relocate for the position if necessary. This makes an applicant very appealing when a company is considering new employees. Great job. There is not an individual that you address, rather you address the recipient of the letter as “software developer hiring manager”, have you researched the company to see if you can find a name of the hiring manager? This would help the cover letter appear more personal.
Resume
The resume portion of the application package is very well done and does a great job at showcasing the versality of you as a professional and academic. The resume adheres to a template from Technical Communications, and is laid out well. One aspect of the resume that stands out is the addition of your LinkedIn – this is a great idea. It is nice that your resume is all on one page, and only the important information is included. Lengthier resumes can occasionally become boring or overwhelming with information to the reader.
Reference letters
Reference letters are a great length and contain relevant information but do not drag on. The tone used is friendly and approachable and is sure to make the recipient feel comfortable and inclined to offer a letter of recommendation for you. In the beginning of the letters, you have the sentence “I am reaching out to you in hopes of using you as a reference for another position that I am applying for.” Using the term “another position that I am applying for” seems to come off a bit unprofessional, would you consider changing the sentence to “I am reaching out to you in hopes of using you as a reference for a new and exciting position I am applying for”. In the final request letter, the sentence states “Having you as a reference would be very beneficial to me as you can comment on my character as a person and a leader.” Consider removing a few words and simply stating “comment on my character and leadership qualities” to improve professional language and tone. The individuals being asked for reference letters all seem perfectly qualified to give recommendations, and with these letters of request, it is likely they will be pleased to offer their kind words about you.
Grammar/Typos
The application package is free of any major grammatical errors or typos. Does the term “letter of reference” require capitalization?
Concluding remarks
Overall, the first draft of your application package is very good. It is well-organized, adheres to all assignment requirements, and possesses a friendly and professional tone throughout. Consider rewording the sentences stated in the above sections to improve sentence structure and flow throughout the document to make an even greater first impression to the individuals at Amazon. Great job!
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