Peer Review of Adrienne Yap’s Formal Report Draft

To:             Adrienne Yap
From:        Joyce Wu
Date:         December 10, 2019
Subject:    Peer Review of Formal Report Draft

Hi Adrienne,

I have reviewed your formal report draft on “Considering an Independent Social Media Strategy for AMS Vice”. I enjoyed reading the report draft and the positive research outcome. The following are some comments and suggestions I have for you to consider.

First Impression
This is a report with a focus on persuading the reader to consider an independent social media strategy for the AMS Vice. The formal report is still in development, but the report draft does contain the majority of the information.

Title page
The title page includes the report title, name of the reader, reader’s job title, name of author, and the report date. I would suggest:

  • Using page break to separate Table of Contents to the next page.


Table of Contents
The table of contents is well organized. If Microsoft Word is used for drafting the report, I would suggest:

  • Using the built-in Table of Contents function to organize this report’s table of contents.


The introduction includes background on the AMS Vice program, the program’s purpose, its relationship with other AMS programs, and statement of problem. The introduction also contains suggestions, brief description of research method, and recommendations for action. Instead of an essay-like introduction, I would suggest:

  • Organizing the Introduction section to include subheadings
  • Moving the suggestions, description of research method and recommendations for action to another section.


Report Section

  • The Importance of Holistic Social Media Strategy: this subsection provides the rationale for using a holistic approach instead of concentrating on one popular social media platform as its marketing strategy. I would suggest:
    • Moving this subsection to the Introduction section as this subsection provides background information on holistic social media approach instead of research method and findings.
  • Relevant Service Example: this subsection examines another AMS program, SASC, and the SASC’s success with its holistic marketing approach. The contrast between SASC and Vice in terms of autonomy over outreach and marketing is described in detail. Well done.
  • Vice’s Current Social Media: this subsection shows the success Vice program has with its new Instagram account. A comparison is made with Vice’s presence on the shared Facebook page.  The two images showcase Vice’s Instagram followings and engagement rate. The note about the standard engagement rate of 1-6% is helpful for readers to use as comparison.
  • Proposed Solution: this subsection points to the Instagram success and aims to persuade readers to approve independent marketing by in-house volunteers for the Vice program. Benefits, estimated efforts and proposed follow-up actions are included for the readers’ consideration.  Instead of listing the proposed solution in the Report section, I would suggest:
    • Moving this subsection to the Conclusion section, and may be combined with recommendations.


Conclusion section

  • Findings: this subsection includes a summary of research findings.
  • Recommendations: this subsection includes a list of recommended actions for the readers’ consideration.


Writing style and Grammar
The writing style is suitable for the purpose of this report. Here are some suggestions for minor grammar improvements:

  • Removing the extra comma in the sentence, “This year, is Vice’s largest overhaul, with more volunteers and initiatives than ever before”, from the Introduction Section. The suggested edit is:
    • “This year is Vice’s largest overhaul, with more volunteers and initiatives than ever before”
  • Amending “it’s” to “its” in the 4th paragraph from the Introduction Section. The suggested edit is
    •  “Specifically, its own Facebook page and […]”.
  • Changing “Youtube” to “YouTube” where it is mentioned in the report.
  • Second paragraph in the Relevant Service Example section, “[…] a space for longform content (ie: blogs, articles, interviews).” The suggested edit is:
    •  “[…] a space for long-form content (i.e. blogs, articles, interviews).” 
  • Adding the period after “etc” in the second paragraph under the Proposed Solution subsection.
    • “[…] harm reduction, mental health, unhealthy habits, etc.)”


Overall Impression and Final Thoughts
Keep up the good work! Some subsections may be reorganized to enhance the flow from one section to the next. Also, separating the content to subheadings will help the readers to better organize their thoughts and digest the content.

I hope you find the above suggestions helpful. I am excited to see the final report. If you have any questions, please contact me at

Link to Adrienne’s Formal Report Draft

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