To: Ranjit Dhaliwal, Member of “The Penning Pals” Writing Team
From: Taras Shyp, Member of “The Penning Pals” Writing Team
Date: December 17, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of the Application Package Draft
Dear Ranjit,
Thank you for submitting the application package draft for peer review. Here below you will find feedback and suggestions on the application package. It was pleasant to reed through a professional created package and get known about your professional development more.
First impression
Well-organized and informative documents which highlight your qualifications which supported by strong evidence. Provided information in the cover letter and resume, as well as the choice of candidatures for references, are related to the posted job advertisement. Overall, it was interesting to read more about your professional pathway with future career objectives.
Cover Letter
The letter contains all main parts and showcased specific qualifications and skills which are relevant to applying position. Along the whole document you demostrate stong relation and appropriate background for the position of a development coordinator. However, implementing below stated suggestions may help you to emphasize the potential of the cover letter:
- proofreading and checking for grammar errors, and typos (e.g. instead of … in my ability in becoming a Development Coordinator, write …in my ability to become a Development Coordinator; …on single-family homes in the Lower Mainland, instead of …on single family homes in the Lower Mainland, etc)
- avoiding ampersand (&) symbol in the text
- adding next to your phone number suggested time you can be reached for employer
Resume
The resume is well-written, contains standard parts and provides relevant information which complements the cover letter. All details and skills provided in the resume are relevant to the posted job advertisment. However, adding suggested below ideas will be beneficial for your resume:
- rephrasing the career objective in a more concise format or dividing it into two sentences (i.e., To obtain a challenging position within the real estate industry with a reputable organization for implementing the real estate development process and investment analysis).
- adding the “Reference” section at the end of the resume
- pointing out in the work experience section job involvement (i.e., full-time, part-time, seasonal), as you
- avoiding ampersand (&) symbol in the tex
Request for Reference Letters
The letters are well-built and addressed to the relevant people who can highlight your qualifications. The documents are written according to YOU-attitude style, but at the same time showcase expected results from the respondents. With stated below suggestions you will increase clarity and readability of reference request letters:
- proofreading for typos (e.g., in the conclusion of the first reference request letter … ethic, collabortaion)
- using full words instead of contractions in the text (e.g., …Please let me know if you’re)
Document organization and content
All documents organized according to the general recommendations of technical communication and suit all requirements of YOU-attitude style of writing. The documents are concise but contain relevant information important for captivating employer attention
Grammar and style
The files in the application package written in friendly and conversational but not plain language with reader-centered style across all documents. Some typos and grammar errors are present in texts and appropriate corrections will refine professionalism of your documents
Conclusion
Overall, you submitted an impressive application package which guarantees you success in this process. If you have any questions or want to discuss provided recommendations in detail, please feel free to contact me at tshyp@alumni.ubc.ca.
Link to Ranjit’s Application Package:https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/12/12/4-1-application-package-draft/
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