TO: Jojo (Syau-jing) Huang, Team Writer
FROM: Lisa Liang, Team Editor
DATE: October 10, 2019
SUBJECT: Review of your Proposal – Expanding Customer Base for Futian Dumpling Restaurant
Hi Jojo, I have reviewed your research proposal report on Futian Dumpling Restaurant. It is definitely an interesting topic that you’ve chosen and I can’t wait to see what the outcomes are for your findings. There are some great points you’ve made regarding vegan option in your proposed solution. You have done a great job sectioning each topic in your proposal which makes it easier for the reader to follow along. Please allow me to share a few of my suggestions below:
Introduction: You have done a great job providing your readers with background information of the restaurant. Although it is short and concise, you were able to effectively communication the restaurant’s current issue in the area/community. However, I would suggest breaking the last sentence into at least two separate sentences as I found it confusing with 3 issues tied into that sentence alone.
Statement of Problem: I like the fact that you’ve stated the problem as well as the solutions the owner has tested. You may want to consider cutting out the phrase “Currently, the main problem of the Futian Dumpling Restaurant is that” and begin with “Although Futian Dumpling Restaurant gets many positive reviews…” to create a better flow. Also, you may want to change the word “Chinese” to “China” in the sentence “most of those existing customers are from Chinese”. Aside from these minor grammatical errors, great job on stating the current issue Futian Dumpling Restaurant is facing.
Proposed Solution: Great point you’ve made on vegan inclusion! It is definitely true that even if there is just one vegan in the group, a restaurant that has vegan options available are more likely to be selected. This section was effectively communicated.
Methods: These are very solid steps to collecting the data you need for your research. However, I would suggest expanding a little bit on this section. You’ve listed the surveys you want to collect and the interviews to conduct, but how are these results going to tie into each other? For instance, you may want to consider explaining how the survey results from your vegetarian friends are going to influence the Ms. Song’s opinion on incorporating vegan options.
Overall, you’ve done a great job outlining the problems and possible solutions for Futian Dumpling House. Aside from a few grammatical errors, I would suggest going into detail on how the research questions will help with the restaurant’s current issue. As more restaurants are starting to become more inclusive of vegan and vegetarian options, it will definitely a good idea for Ms. Song to look into those options to potentially increase her customer base. If you have any further questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Link to Jojo’s post: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/10/10/formal-report-proposal-jojo-syau-jing-huang/
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