Zombie preparedness


Gainesville, FL on a typical Friday (or game day Saturday)

The University of Florida disaster preparedness web site was recently updated to include a “Zombie Attack Disaster Preparedness Simulation Exercise plan, along with the usual threats like hurricanes and H1N1.

As reported by Inside Higher Ed,

“the guide for dealing with a zombie attack includes a helpful list of signs that zombie attacks may be increasing. You should watch, for example, for “increasing numbers of gruesome unexplained deaths and disappearances, especially at night” and listen for “lots of strange moaning.”

“The guide includes an “Infected Co-Worker Dispatch Form” for Florida employees to let superiors know when a colleague exhibits signs of zombie behavior, with a checklist of such behaviors, including “references to wanting to eat brains,” “recently dead but moving again,” “lack of rational thought (this can cause problems confusing zombies with managers)” and “killed and ate another employee.”

“A footnote in the plan suggests the importance of maintaining sensitivity in a time of zombie attack: “While many people refer to ‘undead,’ practitioners in the field of Zombie Studies and zombie advocates such as PETZ: People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies, and supporters of Florida Zombie Preserve, Inc. insist that the term ‘undead’ clearly connotes deficiency; specifically the absence of both life and death. Hence, we suggest here the term ‘life impaired’ to recognize the difficulties imposed on a former person by zombie behavior spectrum disorder (ZBSD) but without suggesting the former person is somehow ‘deficient’ as a result of the infection.”

According to the Associated Press, university officials have decided that zombies are not a sufficient threat to the university community to be included on their disaster preparedness web site, which is hard to believe if you have ever walked down Gainesville’s University Ave on Friday night (or earlier Saturday morning).

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