03Oct / 2013

Conflict Management

if you love tv as i love tv, you love the office. and if you do, you know that the title of this post is also related to a win win win situation, where you, my conflict mediator, also win for successfully mediating a conflict.

conflicts. man oh man. we have them, whether we know it or not. i usually have them with myself. i have to decide: what’s the better way – the reward of the moment or the possible long term reward? sometimes the moment wins, but not usually. the win win win is when the moment links to the long term. dear LORD how i love it when that happens. it rarely does. cuz the moment caitlin is the caitlin that loves to forget about consequences, both the good and the bad (yes. there are good consequences. look it up). the moment caitlin, she can be crazy, and do crazy things. she can hurt friends, and thereby hurting her self. she can also be crazy by signing up for a half-marathon without realizing that she won’t have the time to train, let alone the will power. she’s pretty much this girl:

keeping with the office theme, we welcome Karen a-fili-pel-ee to the stage.

While Rashida Jones is wonderful, I don’t wanna be #caitlinfunk #yolo. I wanna be #caitlinfunk #awesomelywiseandcoolchick

How am i to deal with this conflict – the inner conflict?

 

 

worst part is, i know what to do. i just reaaaaaaally don’t want to.

Permalink Leave a comment

10Sep / 2013

It Starts

I’m not sure if you were all old enough, but I loved the Lion King video game. At the beginning of each level, Timon would say “It starts” while raising his hands in the air. (like this) Now, as a 24-year-old adult, I see a lot more in this motion. I see someone realizing that it’s beginning, whether that’s what they had planned or not. Timon is admitting “whateves, folks. I guess we’re starting now”. I’m not going to lie – my heart kind of felt that at the beginning of this term. But less of a “whateves” and more of a “WTF MATE?!”

are we *ever* emotionally ready?

This summer was so busy! I was working 50-60 hrs a week between my 2 jobs. I spent the rest of my time stuffing my entire calendar with pink bubbles (pink is for personal things, like coffees and lunches and shopping trips and yoga classes and half-marathons and concerts and SASQUATCH! and Portland-love). I managed to have a pretty busy summer, filled with joyous times, with some hard times and some amazing people. Then all of a sudden school started.

What I felt like after the summer.

I’m one of those people who lives for stationary. I love Staedtler pens (they’re so pretty! and they make my notes pretty and colour-coded!). I love buying new paper. I love making the little paper for each course that goes into the dividers in my new UBC 3″ binder. I take joy out of organizing my notes and re-writing them (if I have time… but lets be real. ain’t nobody got time for that). but this year… school really snuck up on me. I didn’t get any of my supplies (or books!) until the 2nd day of class.

All summer, I’ve been working on the Collegia Program. I’m so insanely proud of it. You have no idea (or maybe you do. I sure hope you do) how amazing it feels to have that thing you’ve been working so hard on just come to fruition. It’s been difficult – it wasn’t always the easiest, but it helped me to grow as a student, as a person and as an professional (can I use that word yet?). I got to meet a lot of the registered members at the Main Event (that this epic woman named Meghan Lamont planned) on Imagine Day – not going to lie; they made my day. The reminded me what I’d been working so hard for all summer. They are the reason I do this. (you hear me, members? you’re awesome!)

Now school has started. Life has gone back to social times, beer at Calhoun’s while reading a book (heck yes, English Honours!), drinking tea each morning and meeting some pretty cool new people.

Thanks, September. Thanks for bringing schedules, moderation, organization, new pens, and pretty friend. Love you long time <3

Permalink Leave a comment

22Aug / 2013

Regret

starting this post i really had to think, is this the right title? no. no it isnt. but why isnt it? what would be better? is there a word that would make more sense, that would better encapsulate this feeling of greener grass? i don’t think it’s regret that i’m feeling – there are no urges to turn back, no thoughts of what if i had, only ideas of what could be.

i rarely endure this feeling. i usually just push it down, repress it. allow myself to be held by the majesty that is my life. but right now, i’ll allow it. right now, i’ll let myself think: what could be?

this time last year, i was on my way to advisor orientation with my new team, with new people that i hoped would like me, would appreciate me, and would be my friends. those 9 people, (the 8 on my team and my supervisor) became my rock when i knew it best to leave my boyfriend of 3 years, no matter how much it would hurt. they became my joy when we all donned masks to be one of our beloved teammates on a themed “simon” night. they became my laughter when we chose a character to voice as betty and myself studied for an english class. they became my pride when they (constantly) succeeded. they became my worry when they were hurting, or in a sad or bad spot. they became my family, my fsquared family.

this year, i decided to do something new. i will once again have a team, and they will be extremely wonderful and amazing in their own way. they will help commuter students find a place that is their own, they will support each other and truly care for one another. this is the goal.

but, that’s just it: a goal. there is uncertainty in a goal. there are doubts, questions, hopes.

im thinking about the greener grass. i’m wondering about the what could be, but to be honest, i’m happy. i’m content. i’m pleased with my life. i love that i get to meet new people daily, that i get to encourage others and have amazing chats with new friends.

and here i go again, burying the feeling. or is this overcoming the feeling?

Happiness is the moment where you look around and know: wow.

Permalink Leave a comment

07Aug / 2013

encouragement.

I’m running a half marathon this weekend. and by running, i mean finishing. i don’t know if I’ll be running the whole thing (i for sure won’t be), but I’ll be crossing the finish line. That’s the only thing I know. I don’t know how long its going to take me. but i do know that it won’t be 1h20 or even 2hrs, probably more like 2.5 or even just 5 hrs. who knows. i sure don’t. but i do know I’m finishing. you know why? because of encouragement.

if you ask most people that know me, there a few things i value more than encouragement. i love, adore, and find joy in encouraging others. i’ll cheer them on, hold them accountable, gently remind them, write them long notes of “you got this” with pretty pens on pretty paper. i’ll even mail them, because why not?

what i crave more than anything is to be encouraged. not pushed, not forced, but encouraged. I’m one of those people that needs to know it was my own idea; that it’s what I truly want. if you tell me, i’ll consider your opinion, but it always comes down to my decision (ask my mother. its our whole relationship haha) i want someone to say “but what do you want? ohk. great. how are you going to do it? awesome. want me to make sure you do it?” and then when i look at them and pause because if they hold me accountable, this means i actually have to follow through, i need them to look at me and smile and just say “hey. you got this”. then i know – i got this. it’s feasible. it’s possible. i truly can.

without those people in my life, i dont know what i would do. i know i wouldn’t be able to run a half marathon on saturday. i know i wouldn’t have been able to move to france when i was 19 and live there, with no friends or family to accompany me, for over a year. i know i wouldn’t have been able to have the confidence to make my UBC experience my own, and not just been another student. i know i wouldn’t have been able to make decisions that were hard, but right.

without the power of encouragement, i would be the jonah hill of the seawheeze, instead of the leonardo dicaprio of the seawheeze.

YOU GOT THIS, JONAH!

joy. just pure joy.

Permalink 2 Comments

22Jul / 2013

judgement.

today, i got off the bus and started walking to work. i was walking a bit far behind this guy who was wearing these funky sandals that were extremely intricate. they seems like they’d be a lot of work to put on, and they really didn’t look that comfy. the sole was super flat, and probably had no arch support. he also had those plugs that kinda freak me out (i feel like a hole puncher is used in some way). i was walking a little bit faster than him, so i began to gain on him. i noticed a tattoo on the back of his neck, just with a bit showing above his tshirt. when i saw it, i noticed that it was a folded-out box…. it looks sorta like this:

When i saw it, my heart felt heavy. one of my favourite people, Betty Yan, has two amazing tattoos that she loves for others to interpret. So, I started interpreting this man’s tattoo. to me, it says “stop putting me in a box. the box is no longer. i’ve defeated it by taking it apart. i do not fit into a box. so just stop trying. if you try to put me there, i’ll just take it apart. and that’s ohk. i can. but please – just stop.”

I was a residence advisor in my 2nd and 3rd year here at UBC. at my first advisor orientation, I sat down at a table for lunch with a group of mostly males. I began to talk with them, and realized that they were all gay. i’d never been around that many gay people before, and it was amazing. i became very self-aware in that moment. i began to sit back and listen; to observe. not solely them, but mainly myself. what was I thinking… what was i feeling? what did those feelings mean? why did I have those thoughts?

UBC is a place where so many different people come together. People probably look at me and my extremely loud pants and think “that girl is cray. how does she think she looks good in bright-pink skinny cords?” but others look at me and think “damn girl, you rock those pants!” either way, that’s ohk. people are free to their opinions, as long as they remember that they’re just that: opinions. I was wrong to judge that guy by his sandals and pulled-out lobes. i was wrong. i know that now. because as humans, we don’t fit into a box, nor should we. we should be free to do what we please, to not worry about the judgement of others, especially by those that call us a loved one, a peer, a friend.

thanks to my new-found love for Modern Family (I started watching it on a all-alone-Caitlin-morning), i give you this.

Mitchell doing the Gaga dance

remember to be you. remember that you don’t fit into a box. remember that you can dance like lady gaga when you need to. remember to not judge others: don’t judge – just love.

Permalink 1 Comment

10Jul / 2013

dear relaxing:

for those of you who have a hard time unwinding, this is for you.

I finished my summer class two weeks ago. After that, I had a few fun days. I took some time off from both of my jobs (really, I just put all my work on the same days and went from 9am-11pm 3 days in a row haha).

After the three days off, filled with “chill time”, I needed a vacation.

I spent the entire time with people that I love, surrounded by fun times, by my home-made mojitos and margaritas (delish. I’ll give you the recipe any day), by sunshine, by Arrested Development (finally finished it. heck yes i did), by steak, by blankets, by sand, by bumpin music, by laughing, by joy, by adventure, by mistakes, by yoga, by smoothies.

But, not once was I surrounded by silence, by me-time, by alone, by recovery. I spent the whole time livin it up. but isn’t that what your 20s is for? right? thats what I hear… but thats not what i need.

I work in an amazing space with amazing people at UBC. I work as a bartender with some cool people and some awesome guests. I love what I do. Both jobs surround me. Both jobs have me interacting with people. If you’ve met me, you’ll understand that I need this. But I also need some alone time – some time to recoup so that I won’t burn out.

But man, is that time ever hard to take.

People wanna do some fun things with you, like a 20s themed party and outdoor movies. And you wanna do all of the things. all of the things! but then there’s that voice that you know all too well in the back of your head that says “but really, is that what you want? is that what you need?” and you say “HECK YES IT IS!” so you do it. you go and you have oh-so much fun. but the next day, you realize just how much you would have benefited from some alone time. for example, I spent yesterday in interactions, from 9am-1am. When I came into work today, one of my fav people, Ms. Erica Baker, looks at me and says “are you ohk?” She knows that I’m feeling it today – I’m feeling tired and a bit depleted. I dont know it, though. What I mean is, i know it, but i dont know it. i deny it. “No, I’m great!” but my eyes don’t say that. My eyes say, woah man. lets just have a bit of a nap.

so from my heart to yours, take a nap. take some time to read that book you’ve always wanted to, not cuz its a classic and everyone talks about it, but because it’s hilarious, moving or what you wanna read (my fav is this book). take some time to rewatch your favourite show or to watch a new one. take some time to go for a walk with your thoughts.

Best part: when that’s done, and you’re feeling ready to take on the world again, you look a joyous as Amy, and you feel like it too!

Day off, here I come.

Permalink 4 Comments

03Jul / 2013

Colleger-what?

This summer I get to do something I’ve never done before. I get to work out of the CSI+C around some amazing people doing something I love (because it challenges me daily). I get to help set up and organize a place that’s going to be a home away from home – a place to be, not a place to do.

This place is called the collegium.

My bestie was a Collegia Assistant at TWU for her last year at uni, and she absolutely loved it. We would always talk about our roles when I was a Residence Advisor and how similar they are. When I heard about UBC-V starting a Collegia Program, I jumped at the opportunity to be involved, however they’d let me.

This summer, I’m working to set up all the fun things (like board games and kitchen supplies!) and all the not-so-fun things (like figuring out what data we need)  the collegium will need to function. Recently, I was able to help plan a hard hat tour for some of the student leaders and profesh staff at UBC. Was it ever a blast! Here’s a picture Houston White, one of the stellar people took the tour with us, took for us. This is the view of the kitchen from where the fireplace will be.

 

beautiful, right? just some floor-to-ceiling windows and an awesome view. No big 😉

I’m honestly jealous that I didn’t have one of these to go to in my first year. I was commuting from Langley, so approx 5hrs a day was spent commuting – not cool, man. I didn’t get involved in my first year. I spent all my time on the bus, doing homeworking and working at Olive Garden (heck yes, the breadsticks are delish). I’m hoping this collegium will be able to encourage students to take charge of their own learning with the help from the cool people staffing it and the cool people who are members.

Permalink 1 Comment

26Jun / 2013

Let’s be real.

love life? what’s that?

Dear friends,

Lets be real and honest with each other. Dating is hard. Trying to meet someone isn’t an easy thing. You go to classes, there are some cuties, but unless your class only has 18 people (as some of mine are), it’s really hard to get to know someone! So, you get a job cuz you need the money. Hey, some of the people there are kinda cute, too! But then you think about the horrible break up you’re going to have: “… if I start dating you and it doesn’t work out… then what? Do I have to move, or leave? or will everyone hate me? or will everyone hate them?”

needless to say, it’s an awkward situation.

To alleviate the awkwardness, I have decided to do something even more awkward. I’m now online dating. Here’s why its awkward for me.

1. I’m not that great at praising myself, so to give you a list of things I’m good at or what I’ve done is a struggle for me.

2. I don’t take selfies. I have 2. They were from when I got a new pair of glasses, and then once I got a drastically new hair cut.

3. I make funny faces in photos constantly. I’m usually caught half-laughing or in a weird pose. Needless to say, can’t use many of those

4. I feel like I might be a bit particular in what I’m looking for, so trying to chat with someone online, to the point where you feel like you know them, is really not an easy thing. Therefore, I quickly (after about 4 or 5 messages) ask the person to grab a coffee. Some of them don’t wanna do that. So to that I rue, “why oh WHY did I spend so many hours trying to figure out how to say what I want in a witty manner, or a sensitive way, or to make sure there aren’t thousands of sexual innuendos or suggestive sayings in these heartfelt messages I’ve been sending them.”

5. I loathe games. I’m direct, I’m assertive, I know what I want and I go for it. Seems that’s not always appreciated, much like in real life haha.

 

So, after now going out on a date, and having a few more scheduled for this week, I have to say that even though I am feeling incredible awkward, everything is kinda working out. It’s not easy, trying to meet new people in a city where people come and go constantly. It’s also not easy to see someone that you think is the bomb-diggity and have them never respond to a message. On the flip side, it’s not very easy to just stop responding to messages. (ethical question: do I respond to the messages of the people that are messaging me to let them know that I am not interested, but thank you? Or do I just let them figure that out for themselves? moral dilemma)

All in all, it is fun to meet new people and try new and exciting things that other people are interested in for dates. Open mindedness is key.

Permalink Leave a comment

Spam prevention powered by Akismet