To: Jenny Zhang, English 301 Student
From: Janice Pang, English 301 Student
Date: September 23, 2019
Subject: Review of Technical Definition Assignment
I have reviewed your Technical Definitions assignment. Thank you for preparing helpful technical definitions for the term “algorithm”. Upon reviewing, I have the following suggestions for you:
Organization: The expansion strategies used for the definition are logical and easy to follow. You may consider using descriptions only or questions only for the headings for uniformity. Of note, the descriptions of the history of algorithms you used are a great in introducing the term. I noticed that you frequently refer to years throughout the expanded definition which is excellent supporting details. However, I suggest that you discuss the Euclid’s algorithm (300BC) before the Boolean algorithm (1847) under the “Uses of algorithms” heading. This allows for a better chronological organization of the uses of algorithms throughout history.
Sentence Structure: Overall, all expansion strategies began with a clear topic sentence, allowing easy understanding of definition. Although sentence structures of definitions do not often interfere with meaning being conveyed, I noticed that you frequently began sentences with “but”. To retain the contrast you are highlighting, I suggest that the word, “however”, could be used instead of “but” for some of the sentences. Additionally, I noticed a sentence fragment for the second sentence under “Uses of algorithms”. Beginning a sentence with “even when” requires a second clause. Thus, I recommend the second sentence to be joined with the first so it reads, “Algorithms are used by everyone all the time even when we don’t even realize it.”
Visuals: The visuals you included are excellent in supporting the expanded definition of “algorithm”. However, it would be beneficial to label the visuals with a description and refer to the visuals in your writing. For example, for the first visual, is that a picture of Babylonian clay tablets? Is there additional information you would like readers to know about it? Similarly, for the flowchart following the explanation of Euclid’s algorithm, it would be important to refer to this figure in your paragraph discussing the Euclid’s algorithm. The flowchart could be labelled with “Figure 1” and be given a brief description of what the flowchart is illustrating.
References: I noticed that the references are all from web sources such as blogs and news platforms. There could be more reliable sources, such as peer-reviewed scholarly articles, in which you could consider citing. Please also ensure that the proper format for MLA is followed. For example, be sure that the title “Works Cited” is centred on a new page and that the citations are double spaced. The following website is a helpful guide you could refer to for MLA formatting: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/mla_style/mla_formatting_and_style_guide/mla_works_cited_page_basic_format.html.
I hope that my suggestions will be helpful as you proceed to refining your definition for “algorithm”. The definition aided by the flowchart visual you chose is a great start to writing a clear definition! With revisions focused on organization and sentence structure, you will be able to prepare a helpful and informative definition for the term “algorithm” for students learning about linear equations. Please let me know if you have any questions.
Definition under review can be found here.
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