To: Jenny Zhu, ENGL 301 Student
From: Jobina Tamminga, ENGL 301 student
Date: September 23, 2019
Subject: Review of Three Definitions
I have reviewed your three definitions assignment and I must say I was very impressed! I thought that your expanded description was very clear, and I felt as though I really understood the topic at the end.
Introduction: I thought that your introduction was concise and explained the goal of the assignment very well. I would suggest moving the last sentence to the beginning since it is quite broad and does not transition into the next section very well. It would be a great way to start the introduction.
Organization: Overall, I thought that your ideas flowed smoothly and was organized in a logical manner. I did find that there were a few parts in the expanded definition that did not tie the facts together very well. In the history section of the expanded definition when you talk about “studying infants during a heat wave”, the sentence is not necessary since it does not seem very related to cystic fibrosis and does not provide any important information.
Research: I thought that your reference list was quite extensive and was well researched. I did find a few places that could use a citation such as in the misconceptions of cystic fibrosis section, when you mention the average life expectancy of those with cystic fibrosis.
Visuals/Font: I really like your use of images in your definitions. I thought that both of the images you chose were helpful and added to the overall understanding of cystic fibrosis. I did think that Figure 1 could be a bit larger as it was difficult to read some of the information.
I hope my recommendations are helpful as you complete this assignment and continue in this course. Your assignment is already in a great condition, and with a few minor tweaks it will be even better. Please let me know if you have any questions.
Link to assignment: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/09/21/assignment-13-three-definitions-jennyzhu/
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