To: Emily Leung
From: Diane Keyes
Date: September 27, 2019
Subject: Peer review of ‘just transition’ definitions
Link to original definitions.
Emily, it was a pleasure reading your definitions for ‘just transition’ and take a closer look at the history and nuances of the model. Below is a list of considerations when refining your definitions.
Initial Impressions
- Overall, definitions were well-written and provided a comprehensive overview of ‘just transition’.
- The assignment objectives, definition, and audience were skillfully woven together in the first paragraph, serving as a strong opening.
- A few sentences could be shortened. For example, the second sentence in the first paragraph could shorten by writing: ‘a parenthetical, sentence, and expanded definitions are presented below’. A few other sentences could benefit from such amendments.
- The assignment requirements were fulfilled with a few exceptions:
- Remember to include a title as well as your name and date in the document.
- Labeling of the graphic figure.
Organization
- The document was well organized with a clean layout and appropriate paragraph headings.
- The ‘Question/Answer’ layout was an effective way of guiding readers through the information.
- The expanded definition paragraphs were ordered in a way that allowed readers to build their understanding sequentially. One suggestion might be to move the final expanded definition paragraph earlier as it provided a much-needed example of what just transition can look like.
- I noted that the methods of definition expansion included:
- History
- Negation
- Comparison and contrast
- Required conditions
- Examples
Expression
- Sometimes environmental recommendations can be vague, so more examples can help. For example, when noting that collaboration between government, investors, and business owners is needed for just transitions, it can be helpful to provide readers with concrete examples of what that might look like.
- In the parenthetical definition, it is not immediately clear what ‘equitable’ would refer to or look like; this definition might benefit from a little bit more elaboration.
- In the parenthetical definition you specified the workers were from non-renewable energy sectors; it could be valuable to include that distinction in the sentence definition too.
- It was great that ‘sustainability’ was defined when used in your extended definition.
- Overall, clearly written with cohesion between sentences.
Grammar & Punctuation
- Punctuation: the document would benefit from a more thorough scan with attention on commas, hyphens, and capitalization.
- Tense: consider writing the second paragraph in the present tense.
- Hyphens: ensure they are consistent with having no spaces before or after them. For example, in paragraph five, it is written ‘It would be unfair, however, to workers in the resource sectors to bear all the costs of this transition— in the forms of job loss and wage cuts (Government of Canada. 2018).’ Here, the space after the hyphen should be removed.
- The quotation in paragraph six appears to be missing the closing apostrophe and citation.
Graphic
- The graphic provided a clear and simple overview of key differences between the current socio-economic system and the one offered by transitional justice.
- The graphic was well designed and easy to understand. The only concern is that the titles ‘regenerative’ and ‘extractive’ are not used in your definitions. Either they could be re-labelled or the definitions of each could be woven into the preceding paragraphs.
- It also appears the last few letters of ‘purpose’ were cut off on the ‘regenerative’ diagram.
- The graphic would also benefit from a descriptive title and a more complete citation.
Works Cited
- The works cited list appears complete and accurate.
- Double-checking of in-text citations is encouraged as one or two punctuation errors were noted where a period was used instead of a comma.
Final Remarks
- The definitions provide a good selection of explanations for ‘just transition’. Overall, the writing was clear and fluid.
- The definitions could benefit from a few more concrete examples or elaborations in order to help the reader develop a more precise understanding.
- A detailed comb through the document with attention to punctuation and grammar would be beneficial.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your definitions and appreciated the opportunity to understand ‘just transition’ in more depth. If you have any questions or comments regarding my editing suggestions, please feel free to reach out.
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