To: Jojo (Syau-jing) Huang, member of Peanut
From: Amy Yung, member of Peanut
Date: September 27, 2019
Subject: Review of Your Definition – Network Protocol
Link to Definition: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/09/22/assignment-13-the-definition-of-network-protocol/
Hi Jojo, I read over your definitions on the term network protocol. Although I am a computer science major, I only have a slight idea what network protocol could have meant. Your definitions was clear and straight forward, but it could be improved with the following suggestions:
Organization: Your assignment is well organized with clear labels for the different types of definitions. However, in your expanded definition, I think it would be of benefit if you laid out which expansion strategies you used. The heading can be a general summary of what the paragraph is saying and does not need to explicitly identify which expansion strategy was used. This would make your assignment easier to understand.
Visual: I like the visual you chose to explain how simple mail transfer protocol works. However, I think it would be best to have the steps you mentioned in the paragraph above the visual listed out beside it. Furthermore, your visual had labelled certain parts, but it only had the general idea labelled to it such as “encode” and “contacting email service provider”. It would be best to have a short description of what is happening instead of having a general label to describe the visual.
Audience: I like how you went into great detail explaining how network protocol works in your example. However, your expanded definition seems to assume that the product manager had some background in computer science. When explaining the three key elements of network protocol, there were mentions of bytes and later on, there was mention of TCP/IP[3]. Although you did explain what TCP/IP[3] was, I think there were far too many technical terms in your assignment for a non-technical reader to understand. It would be better if you explained the three key elements of network protocol in simpler and general terms and avoid introducing other types of network protocol.
Grammar and Spelling: In general, your assignment is written with correct grammar and spelling. However, there were some errors in the extended definition such as missing “a” in “network protocol is set of rules….” of the second paragraph, using wrong tense in the third paragraph where “sent” should be “send” and using “are” instead of “is” in the last paragraph. Furthermore, when you list out the key elements you should have included “the” in front of “header” and “body”. It would be best to proofread your assignment before and after submission to be free of errors.
Overall, your definition of network protocol was easy to understand and you chose a good example. I learned a lot reading your assignment. Hopefully these suggestions prove useful to you when you make amendments to this assignment. Please let me know if you have any questions.
Amy
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