To: Brian Wang
From: Andree Coschizza, 
Date: September 26, 2019
Subject: Review of Assignment 1.3 – Definitions: PAR
I have looked over your definitions assignment for Unit 1.3, excellent job! I never realized that plants absorbed only a certain spectrum of radiation and your definition of PAR was very well delivered. If I were a supervisor, I would approve this with just a few changes. I’ve outlined some suggestions below:
Parenthetical Definition: For this part of the assignment, I think it may be clearer if you had an example using your definition in parentheses or explaining that a parenthetical definition can be a fragment within parentheses. This way it reaffirms that you know exactly how and when to use such a definition, rather then just stating a fragment.
Jargon: I appreciated how you started off defining the two parts of ‘photosynthetically active radiation.’ As someone who is not too familiar with biology, this was a great way to introduce me to the topic. However due to the intended audience being an engineer, they may not be familiar with the words used later, such as “chlorophyll” or “stomata”. It might be useful to include a parenthetical definition for these words or leave them out to avoid confusion.
Requirements: I noticed that while your research was well communicated, it mostly came from one source. The requirements of the assignment states that we should ‘consult no fewer than three outside references.’ I’ll admit I was a little confused by the wording of this requirement as well, but for your benefit try to ensure you have at least three.
Organization: Overall, the organization was done very well. I enjoyed how you started off defining the acronym, and then ending with how the measurement of PAR can be useful. The whole assignment had a very nice flow to it. I was able to understand that the expansion strategies used were: etymology, operating principle, negation, and analysis of parts. In addition, the visual was clear and reinforced your definition.
Finally, the only critique I would have overall is just to watch the grammar usage. For example, in the first sentence of the last paragraph, you use the word ‘varies’, when I think you mean to use ‘various’.
I hope my recommendations are helpful to you when re-editing your work. Again, great job on the assignment! I’ve attached the definitions assignment under review for your convenience, please let me know if you have any further questions.
Best,
Andree
https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/09/24/assignment-13-definitions-4/
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