To: Amy Vergouwen, ENGL 301 student
From: Jobina Tamminga, EMGL 301 student
Date: October 10, 2019
Subject: Review of your Formal Report Proposal
I have reviewed your proposal for the final report. It looked really great. You are well on your way for a great project. I have attached my feedback for your proposal below:
First Impression: I thought that your issue overall seemed very important and I thought that your qualifications to report on the issue were very relevant. Overall, I think that you have a very strong topic.
Introduction: I thought that your introduction was very thorough in introducing the topic, and why it was important. I felt like I completely understood the purpose of the care facility and it set up the statement of the problem very nicely.
Statement of Problem: Your statement of the problem was very well done. It introduced not only the problem itself but the impact of the staff shortage on the residents and I thought that was a nice touch.
Proposed solution: One question that I had when reading your proposed solution was whether decreasing the number of recreational activities would negatively impact the lives of the residents? Are you suggesting that the patients are receiving too many recreational activities, or that they don’t mind reducing the number of recreational activities? Even though it would increase the available funds for staff, is there a better place to take the funds for staff from.
Research: I think that your research methods and scope seem very thorough, though I wonder whether adding a few more qualitative data points might add to your research. An example might be quantifying exactly how much money could be saved from reducing recreational activities, and whether this would be enough to hire more staff. Another suggestion might be to compare the budget for staff at your facility to other facilities and ask whether other facilities are experiencing the same problem.
Qualifications: Your qualifications for researching this topic seemed more than adequate. With your involvement with the company, your relationship with the coworkers and relationship with the manager, you seem like you have great resources to accomplish your research goal.
Grammar: Overall, your proposal was very well written, though I did notice a few grammar mistakes. At the end of your first paragraph of the introduction, you say “…nonverbal, unable to walk, have different medical conditions, etc., as well as…”. I do not think that etc. should be used in the middle of the sentence in this case and might be better to remove. There were a few other places that I found run on sentences, so just be careful of including too much in one sentence.
I hope that my suggestions are useful as you complete this project. Your report is well on the way, offering solid support for improving the staff shortages at Glenmore Lodge Care Community. Great job so far!
Original Post:
Leave a Reply