Peer Review of Formal Report
To: Priyanka Patel (Student ENGL 301)
From: Yury Zhuk (Student ENGL 301)
Hi Priyanka,
It was a pleasure reading your Formal Report Proposal submission. It is a well-written, informative proposal already, but there are a few modifications that could make it even better. These modifications are outlined below.
First Impressions
This proposal effectively brings attention to the issue of MSD, and how your research could potentially aid dental health professionals. Since this issue is so prevalent in the workplace, this research will be especially important. The format is excellent and the content effectively calls for action.
Overall Document layout and design
- Headings are logical and well-organized
- Appropriate use of bullet points and paragraphs
Introduction
- Background of occupation and related risks very clear
- Good introduction of MSD and how it relates to Dental professionals
- More emphasis could be on MSD and its significance
- Need to mention intended recipient of proposal
- Who will this proposal be submitted to, and for whom is it written?
Statement of Problem
- Problem and its significance are stated clearly
- Cause of problem identified well
- Ways of reducing MSD could be moved to “Proposed Solution” section
- Would be helpful to know what the symptoms of MSD are, and why it is a problem that needs treatment
- WHO source should be cited
Proposed Solution
- Proposed Solution section is done very well
- Addresses the problem in the organization and how it can be alleviated
- Recommendation could be more specific
- The list of workplace modifications would be clearer in bullet-point format (“individual risk assessment, active life-style, yoga, wearing loupes, relieving trigger points, etc.”)
Scope
- Very good questions in scope
- Very clear which factors you will address
Methods
- Methods section is well written and communicates intention of research well
- Intention to survey dental hygienists provided
- A stronger link between Scope and Methods will make methods more justified and logical
- For example, relate “Yoga” and “Checking Trigger points” to work ergonomics
- Meaning of “Prevention is the science of work” is unclear
Qualifications
- Your qualifications are well-justified and evidently suitable for this report
Conclusion
- Excellent conclusion
- Summarizes content of report well
- Call for action (asking for approval) included
Grammar
- For the most part, free of spelling and grammar errors
- Several small mistakes should be fixed
- The last sentence in the conclusion should be modified so it doesn’t begin with “And”
- “Nevers” in Statement of problem should be changed to “Nerves”
- In the first sentence in Introduction, “… putting stress on their neck, upper back and arms away from the body for prolonged…,” needs better organization of lists-within-lists. For example, “putting stress on the neck and upper back, as well as keeping arms outstretched for long periods of time”
- Subjects should agree with verbs, for example in Statement of Problem, “MSDs are considered work-related if it is…,” should be changed to “MSDs are considered work-related if they are”
General Statements and Summary
This report proposal is very well written, persuasive, and addresses an important issue. There are a few minor changes that have the potential to drastically improve it.
- Mentioning the audience will make it clear to whom this proposal is written
- Explaining symptoms of MSD can make the reader more sympathetic to the cause
- A few minor grammatical and spelling mistakes should be fixed
- The claim about the WHO should be cited
- Structuring proposed solution in bullet points will make it easier to read
Overall it was a great pleasure reading your proposal and I am confident that the resulting research and report will be excellent; I look forward to seeing them. If you have any questions about this review please feel free to contact me.
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