To: Amy Vergouwen, ENGL 301 Student
From: Jobina Tamminga, ENGL 301 Student
Date: November 22, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Writing with You-Attitude Assignment
Your writing with You-Attitude assignment has been reviewed. Overall, your assignment was very well done, and your use of writing with You-Attitude is clearly evident. A few tips are posted below, that will help you to make your writing even stronger.
First Impressions
The memorandum was professional and well organized. The use of headings allowed the reader to clearly understand what each section was for. Evan Crisp is addressed in a friendly, non-confrontational manner which helps to leave a good impression with the reader.
Introduction
The first sentence of the introduction states “with this matter” which seems a big ambiguous. It may help to specify what Evan has requested so that there are no miscommunications in the purpose of the memo. The introduction does a great job introducing the topic and was overall very effective.
Suggestions
The suggestions presented to Evan did a great job of reducing imperative statements. Starting each point with an “-ing” verb really helped to make the body of your memo less instructive and more suggestive. I noticed that there were many “you” statements in the suggestions section. Even though it is important to speak directly to the reader, it is generally best to try remove these in the body and use them only in the introduction and conclusion.
Conclusion
The conclusion did a great job of summarizing the memo and ending on a positive note. You used a You-Attitude throughout this section clearly by referring to the reader as “you” throughout. This was effective in making the reader feel appreciated and acknowledged. Including an email for Evan to contact you at was also a nice touch, as it shows that you care about his opinions and are willing to answer any follow up questions.
Grammar suggestions
The memo was overall very well written, though had a few run-on sentences. The second sentence in the introduction had many add-ons which could be split into two sentences. The bullet points in the suggestions section might also be improved by adding periods to the end of your points.
Concluding comments
Here are a few suggestions as listed above that might make your writing even better:
- Clarifying the purpose of the assignment in the introduction
- Removing the “you” statements in the suggestions
- Adding periods to the suggestions
- Fixing a few run-on sentences
Great work on your assignment. You really put the reader first and gave great suggestions to Evan on improving his writing. Keep it up!
Link to Amy’s Assignment: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/11/18/3-1-memo-to-evan-crisp/
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