To: Priyanka Patel, ENGL301 student
From: Tarandeep Atwal, ENGL301 student
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft
Date: December 10, 2019
Hello Priyanka,
Thanks for emailing me a copy of your formal report draft on “Preventing Musculoskeletal Disorder in Dental Hygienists at Beddington Dental” for reviewing. Overall it is an excellent and thoroughly researched report with some suggestions outlined below that could markedly improve its strength.
First Impressions
This report contains useful and interesting information about a common yet overlooked occupational hazard for dental hygienists. Being in the dental profession myself, this report works as an eye opener about the prevalence of MSD. This report strongly urges dental hygienists to reassess many day to day work routines and postures along with other ergonomical factors that could significantly impact their wellness
Title Page
The title page has most of the needed information. Writing full names of the intended readers looks more professional. Adding date of report submission is strongly suggested. Using a greater font number and little bit of a colour for the title of the report will make it stand out than the rest of the page. Appears to be a typo, the table of content should start from a new page.
Table of Contents
As it will be corrected, the heading appears on top of the page. The layout is appropriate, however, including subheadings in the table helps display the details of the report to the readers. The subheadings like purpose of the report, statement of problem, method of inquiry and scope of inquiry followed under heading of Introduction will help organize the report all the more and will make the reference to each section easier.
Abstract
It helps to quickly ascertain the reader of the paper’s purpose. It is assumed that the final report will include an abstract.
INTRODUCTION
Background
It is detailed and informative. It gives a brief overview of statistics about MSD prevalence, causes and preventive interventions.
Purpose of the Report
It is clearly explained that the purpose of the report is the outlook of dental hygienists on MSD and their working postures to alleviate this rising concern. It also contains some preventive methods which should technically follow under prevention or conclusion.
Method of Inquiry
It utilizes both primary and secondary sources strengthening the base of data.
Scope of Inquiry
Clear and concise.
DATA SECTION
The survey analysis is shown creatively with colourful figures both easy to follow and conceptualize.
Physical Factors
A wide range of physical factors have been provided which are generally underestimated. A dull instrument or poor lighting seem to be a trivial issue with a potential of strongly impacting the working capacity of a dental professional.
Psychological Factors
These are also well written and incorporate all the possibilities leading to mental stress. It is imperative that the dental hygienists acknowledge the level of stress they face, only then the step to resolve it can be taken
Social Factors
Social factors indeed affect the professional growth of an individual. Including these social causes demonstrate the importance of inter professional advocacy.
Prevention
The table illustration is helpful in highlighting the steps necessary for prevention. It is detailed and promising to the solution of the problem.
Conclusion
It is a good conclusion, and it can flow nicely if written after recommendations.
Recommendations
Very brief. Adding preventive interventions under recommendations heading will put emphasis on the readers as this is a sought after section. After reading and acknowledging MSD, a highly prevalent occupational hazard, the readers will want to know the recommendations in detail. This is a solution(s) to a major problem, therefore, it should include a comprehensive list of steps.
References and Appendices
As mentioned beside references , it is to be converted in MLA style. This will organize the references nicely. The appendices containing survey questions is to be a part of the final report.
Content
The content is rich in information about the problem and solution. The results based on survey analysis and statistics and findings based on journal reviews are clearly demonstrated in the writing.
Layout and Design
The table and illustrated survey diagrams are well chosen and colourful. Very easy to follow and understand. Adding a little more creativity to the report like a page design or borders can make it look more appealing and interesting to the readers. Adding bullets or point forms to the secondary subheadings will make them stand out and easy to refer to. As the name implies, the term formal necessitates the numbering of figure illustrations like Fig.1, Fig.2 and so on.
Grammar, Tone and Style
The professional tone and YOU attitude is maintained throughout the report. It clearly demonstrates that the readers’ needs and feelings are given utmost consideration. There are few suggestions for grammatical corrections. As the typos have been mentioned above, the second paragraph under background has a word ‘Nevers’, it is to be written as nerves. The fourth line under Purpose of the Report is to read more appropriately as…affect the health of the dental hygienists.
Overall Conclusion and Recommendations
This is a well researched, thoroughly written report draft. This report identifies a highly prevalent health issue of dental professionals, discusses all the possible root causes responsible for the onset of the problem and potential solutions to that problem. This report provides an in-depth analysis of the problem from the dental professional’s perspective. It is clearly evident that you have put in a great deal of hard work in formulating this knowledgeable report, and few modifications and grammatical corrections will make it visually more appealing to the readers as the content has been taken well care of.
I hope that the suggestions provided are helpful in the final report preparation process. Please contact me for any questions at t.atwal@alumni.ubc.ca.
Link to Priyanka Patel’s Report Draft. 301 Priyanka Patel Formal Report Draft
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