To: Brenda Martinez
From: Joyce Wu
Date: December 16, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Application Package
Thank you for the opportunity to review your application package draft. The application includes a great list of credentials, skills and experience related to the dental hygiene field. The following are some comments and suggestions I have for you to consider.
The combination of cover letter and resume does showcase the applicant’s qualification for the posted job. Some formatting may be required for aesthetic view, but overall, the application demonstrates the applicant’s interest in the posted job.
- MLA documentation: Job posting is referenced using MLA citation style.
- Introduction: The introduction paragraph includes the applicant’s specific interest in the job and the applicant’s value that is in-line with the company’s value. The website where the job was advertised is also included. Even though the cover letter mentions that the job is a “public health dental hygiene employment position”, I would suggest:
- Including the actual job title, Dental Hygienist, as mentioned in the job posting so the hiring manager knows this cover letter is referring to the posted job.
- Body: The body paragraphs include related qualifications such as credentials, education, experience, and work attitude. Instead of listing everything, I would suggest:
- Choosing two to three strengths or relevant experience related to job requirements and support these claims with evidence.
- Moving the list of relevant experience to resume.
- Conclusion: The conclusion restates the applicant’s interest in the job with a request for a meeting. Phone number and email address are included.
- Contact information: Contact information is included in the cover letter only. I would suggest:
- Including contact information such as address, email address, and phone number in the resume as well.
- Objectives: The objective states the long-range goal. I would suggest:
- Stating an immediate goal related to this job to demonstrate an understanding of the type of work the company does and the type of position the company needs to fill.
- Skills: Job related competencies and interpersonal and transferable skills are listed. For the list of skill sets, I would suggest:
- Listing the competencies mentioned in the job posting first, then arrange the rest in order of importance to this job. This arrangement will help the hiring manager to quickly capture all the required qualifications.
- Education: The education is listed in reverse chronological order. Name of school, degree completed and the year completed are included. I would suggest:
- Adding the city and province for University of British Columbia and University of Alberta to enhance the existing format.
- Employment History: The work experience is listed in reverse chronological order. Employer’s name, dates of employment, and type of position are included. Duties for prior jobs are stated. I would suggest:
- Including the exact duties for current job, with an emphasis on duties in-line with the job posting to grab the hiring manager’s attention.
- Volunteer Experience: The volunteer experience is listed in reverse chronological order. Volunteer organization, year volunteered, and volunteer activities are included.
- Reference: Reference is missing. I would suggest:
- Including the phrase “references available upon request” at the end of the resume to assure the hiring managers that there will be references if needed.
Letters Requesting for Reference
- Letter to Dr. B. Miller: The letter provides the potential reference a clear purpose, intention and reason for requesting reference. The reference will help to confirm prior experience working inter-professionally with other members of the dental and healthcare field.
- Letter to Leanne Brock: The letter provides the potential reference a clear purpose, intention and reason for requesting reference. The reference will help to confirm work performance and attitude from prior job.
- Letter to Adrian Nuestro: The letter provides the potential reference a clear purpose, intention and reason for requesting reference. The personal reference will help to confirm work attitude and teamwork skills from colleague’s point of view.
Writing style and grammar
The tone is professional and friendly. Contents for letters and resume are divided into smaller sections and paragraphs. There are some minor grammatical errors. Here are some suggestions for improvements:
- Including the recipient’s name, job title, and address on the cover letter and letters requesting for reference.
- Separating paragraphs in cover letter and letters requesting for reference with a line spacing for aesthetic view.
- Adding a subject to the sentence, “Working closely with dentists and other dental health professionals to provide optimum dental care for patients.”, from the second paragraph in the cover letter. The suggested edit is:
- “I work closely with dentists and other dental health professionals to provide optimum dental care for patients.”
- When mentioning the day of the week in the Employment History, the first letter needs to be capitalized. The suggested edit is:
- “Currently working part-time, Wednesday to Friday”
- Amending spelling, “employement”, in the letter to Adrian Nuestro. The suggested edit is:
- “[…] I am looking for an employment position […]”
Overall Impression and Final Thoughts
Good job on the application package draft. Skills and experience directly related to the requirements of the posted job can be discussed further in-depth in the cover letter for the hiring manager to understand your role and actions taken to acquire the skills and experience.
I hope you find the above suggestions helpful. Best of luck with your application for this job. If you have any questions, please contact me at email@example.com.
Link to Brenda’s Application Package Draft.