To: Brenda Martinez
Fr: Adrienne Yap
Date: Nov, 24, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Writing with YOU Attitude
Hello Brenda,
I hope the semester is going well for you! I have read your memo to Evan Crisp and thought it was so thoughtful and helpful. In this memo you will find a few of my suggestions:
Introduction Section
So friendly and inviting! My only notes are to maybe avoid addressing Evan directly and try to keep it as neutral as possible. Perhaps, rather than saying “per your request”, you could launch directly into “I have summarized good practices in writing emails…”.
Recommendations Section
Love how detailed this was! I would maybe consider organizing it slightly different. For example, maybe bold the main introduction of each suggestion, so that the reader has an idea of what the topic is. Also, it may not be necessary to include transition words like “first of all” or next”, since it’s a list.
Pronouns
I would also avoid the use of too many pronouns and instead, use more neutral language. For example, instead of “it is important to address your email…”, try “addressing emails to instructors…”.
Grammar
Grammar did not at all take away from your memo! There were just a few small things, like the last bullet point where you could have omitted the last comma.
I really enjoyed reading your memo! It was so detailed and helpful. If you have any questions regarding my comments above, please feel free to contact me at adrienneyap@alumni.ubc.ca.
Link to Brenda’s Peer Review: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/11/19/memo-to-evan-crisp-brenda-martinez/
Leave a Reply