Heart, Hands, Head: Why Empathy Matters

For several years I worked and volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House (RMH) of British Columbia and Yukon. The RMH is a home-away-from-home for families and their children being provided treatment at Children’s Hospital. It is a home created for children facing life-threatening illnesses. Most often the culprit is cancer. The culprit is nasty, manipulative, and sadly, often aggressive. In this role, I learned a few life lessons, which I bring with me everywhere. I wear these lessons close to my heart and check in often.

Lesson 1:

Children are resilient. Even under the most difficult situations, children will always find a way to humble you, find a way to make those around them smile, and perhaps if they can muster the strength to crack a joke.

Lesson 2:

Never assume anything. One of my biggest take-away was learning that if someone is curt, this does not mean that they do not deserve the benefit of the doubt, and a warm smile. We have no idea what is going on for other folks. When working with parents whose child is facing a life-threatening disease, like cancer, we need to remember that often these parents are taxed emotionally, and/or economically. I learned to never assume what is going on for other people. Everyone has a story. The strangers we interact with, acquaintances, and even our colleagues at work all have stories. They have all fought a battle, or for all we know, we are all currently fighting one. These battles aren’t limited to cancer. Battles come in different sized packages. Battles include: taking care of a child with special needs, advocating for a dying parent, not living in the same city, province, country as a person you love, the loss of a job, break-up/heart-ache, not having enough money to pay the rent, car accidents, injuries, family members experiencing mental health, menopause, miscarriage, infidelity, and so many more. I try to remind myself of this often when I enter a new space, or meet a new human. Carry with me the notion that not everyone woke up today thankful that they’re still alive. Inside they may be grieving, or just simply struggling to keep everything at bay. We must move gently, kindly and do less harm.

Lesson 3:

Be thankful. Be grateful for our bodies and for this day. Cancer does incredible things to the body. Chemotherapy can do as much damage as good. I have watched children’s bodies transform. Watched the horror of the pervasive disease. Some children die and the lucky ones, their bodies often are never the same. Often the physical scars left behind, the scars or war marks, do not fit the social construction of beauty in our society. This is the perfect entrance for lesson four.

Lesson 4:

Love what we got. This warrior suit- it is the only one we got. Take care of it, treasure it, and use it. Use it to give hugs, love, and appreciate those around you.