for this hot piece of Bijan ass!
so flexible!
Bijan, aka Sex on a Stick, has obviously been practicing his Bennnnd and SNAP! in preparation to swoon the ladies and gentlemen of UBC beginning January 18. The above pornography ballet performance was leaked and we can’t help wondering what fun he likes to have NOT in clothes? For this, Bijan is our Total Dreamboat of the hour or so. <3
so bendy!
If you’re the average UBC student, you are most likely not interested in AMS politics. That is, until the UN invaded and you received a gluttony of emails regarding ridiculous issues and media stunts, er… human rights violations?
You may have joined a Facebook group or two, perhaps turned out to the emergency Saturday meeting that called to Impeach the Beast/defend Human Rights and Progressive Leadership at UBC, by gum! Now there’s sexy referenda, impeachment is still the hot word, and lo and behold there’s ELECTIONS in which you can actually HAVE A VOICE in this manner.
We here at Cute Teddy Bears and Unicorns are anticipating a hot election season, perhaps even too sexy for the AMS’ shirt. Want to join the hot hot heat? Here’s what you need to do if you want to jump into this ridiculous, hot mess of a circus.
See, it really isn’t that difficult to fit in. So check our Events page and jump into this hacktastic arena.
Thanks to a cute little birdie and his tweet, we’ve stumbled upon some EPIC FORESHADOWING.
This post was written back when the Executive was a little sexier and included this resolution for 2010 2008:
At EAT CAKE, we– and by we I mean I, but we sounds so much cooler– solemnly resolve to never stop making fun of people who treat the AMS like it was the United Nations.
Lots of love to this fellow unicorn lover, and take in the hilarity.
PS- Presidential candidate Sean Kim was disqualified for not having 50 verified student numbers. Now, he’s reinstated. Long live handwriting!
Canadian Unicorns
With the ballot approval of 5 of 6 Matt Naylor-driven referenda in last night’s Council meeting and a pledge by the aforementioned Arts Man to collect the required signatures to push the EPIC slates question through, this election is taking on a decidedly Naylor-esque focus. In fact, perusal of our (rather limited) files would seem to indicate a decidedly Naylorean focus to a lot of political events ’round these parts.
In last night’s happenings, Naylor was named Chair of the Legislative Procedures Committee, effectively making him Chairman Naylor and cementing his title as the robust ruler of AMS Council. There is a war raging on campus, as evidenced in last night’s meeting, between the current President and the People. Naylor has begun the Long March towards 1000 signatures and will not stop until his archnemesis Stalin Blake Frederick is held accountable for his rendezvous <insert human rights jokes here>.
Whether you want to sound smarter & more politically involved to that cutie sitting next to you at debates (come on, you know all this power stuff just turns you on), or you’re a member of UVSS who’s determined to follow mainland happenings, here are a few terms to drop in the next three months before the big man finally, like all student politicians, graduates.
Naylorism: A lengthy comment characterized by verbal free-wheeling, grandstanding, or at least one reference to something one holds dear, i.e. an established office or Democracy—bonus points for condemning, in the midst of this, Tim Chu. A Double Naylorism can be achieved by following with a wry comment, being cut off by Speaker Dave, or inadvertently spitting/pounding the table with your fist. A Triple Naylorism requires a shot of Aquavit just to get started.
These positions are not to be used as personal chew toys – ignoring relationship maintenance is the same as ignoring the UPass – it is a vital part of the portfolio left undone.
The AMS is very sick. It is in need of more structural reform than I could have imagined. The people who are elected to serve it … are being deceitful, disingenuous, disorganized, disrespectful … [and are] responsible for shattering the Society’s democratic safeguards.
The Olympic legacy on campus could be far more than a new arena – I am concerned that it could represent the opening of the floodgates in terms of the abuse of civil liberties on campus.
Meta-Naylorism: any Naylorism which includes a self-aware reference to cult geek fandom, e.g. Star Wars, Star Trek, BSG, Buffy.
Giles: “I’ll have you know that I have very, um, many relaxing hobbies.”
Buffy: “Such as?”
Giles: “Well, um…I enjoy cross-referencing.”– Naylor on Lexis-Nexis
Naylorite: 1) A devotee of all things Naylor, particularly those who own two or more former Naylor campaign materials. 2) A political ally who benefits from Naylorean enthusiasm/epic Naylorisms, whether or not their support is widely expressed. 3) Taylor Loren, total Naylor groupie (who was near tears when proxying for him last night), ruiner of any shred of supposed journalistic neutrality/integrity, as evidenced by this Top Secret File:
Witness.
Researchers say the G-spot doesn’t appear to exist. Super-tragic! However, there are still lots of fun things for you to play with from last night’s Council meeting—like these brand-spanking-new ballot-approved referenda:
And rumors abound of the following folks being tipped for nominations—although nothing’s in stone until Saturday’s meeting. (If you know anything fun about one of them that’s not going to consitute a gross violation of privacy—past political efforts, charming policy predilections—do give us a shout.)
But enough of this old news. For what do you salivate, dear Ubyssey editorial staff readers? oh yeah. FASHION COUNCIL!!!1!!
Although Dylan Callow (Commerce kid-at-large) continued to represnt classy short coats & a general aura of healthy Canadian youth, I’m afraid it was the Arts kids who again swept our highly subjective grading system. Tim Chu repeated a truly epic small-check collared shirt, which, combined with his ultra-soft grey sweater, managed to communicate both fantastic style and an aura of cuddliness. Plus, smaller man, layering up, always good. Mitch Wright dialled it in with his usual hipster-casual, but points are awarded for finding the perfect mustard t-shirt to pair with one of the colors in your ubiquitous plaid. Guillaume Houle‘s amazing buttery leathery grandpa shoes set our editors s-s-s-swooning, and Crystal Hon kindly pointed out to us that although she was wearing Uncharacteristic Pants (gasp!shock!) her top was Ella Moss. Studded. KNITWEAR WIN.
If you’re sitting in AMS Council and getting a little bored, a little horny noticing all the beautiful faces around you and slipping into lalaland, have no fear! We are here to help you solve the burning desires of your heart and your loins.
So, who is YOUR Prince Charming? Click this flow chart to find out who you are meant to be with <3 <3 <3
Timkachu– If you like to take charge and love all things left or orange and need a sidekick in life, he is the man for you. Maybe you can take advantage of all his sweet awesome lobbying skills and do it in a Translink bus?
Blake– The next maverick and saviour of all things oppressed, he’s a real take charge kind of guy. Beware, he may have a sexy fling with an expensive lawyer lover on the side.
Geoff- The next conservative minority Great Prime Minister needs a lady by his side who can be quiet, dress well, and say something intelligent when asked. If you are going to UBC and getting a BA and never really plan on using it, Geoff is your guy. Be prepared for a life in the spotlight and lots of petting. Kittens, that is.
Tom- Pretty much the perfect combination of class mixed with nerdiness, this finance lover will keep you secure, satisfied, and leading a generally happy life. What isn’t to love about those baby blues? If you are a woman who is going to law school and intends on having an awesome career, Tom will be the perfect trophy husband.
Jeremy- This DJ will keep you and your beats rocking until the early dawn. Rumoured to be the best kisser on Council, his boisterous personality is the perfect match to your popularity and overall Carrie sex appeal. Who knows, he might even turn out to be your Mr. Big 😉
Johannes- The most beautiful of them all, Johannes is the brainy yet dreamy man for you, the epitome of a Prince Charming. Plus, his electric violin musicality will have you wanting more more more. For all you Charlotte-types out there, Johannes is the pretty-boy fantasy for your white picket fences. We recommend spooning. In fact, we always recommend spooning.
Mike Duncan- So fabulous he has two names, this photo says it all. Let out the sexual animal in you by going cowgirl…wait, is that a fist I see? If you are so badass that you don’t need a man for money/security/happiness and just want some love and lovemaking, Mike is your Prince. Plus, according to his Facebook, he wants to be a stay-at-home dad.
Like your result? Leave it for us in the comments & let everyone know who your dream AMS lovah is.
UBC Insiders, with their commitment to Issues That Matter, beat us to the punch, but in case you like your news with unicorns, here are the six questions (a.k.a possible future referenda) being circulated for votes:
The democratic process round these parts being what it is, we’d like to remind you potential newly-interested voters that you can sign one single petition for some, all, or none of these questions. In other words, it’s hell of easy to exercise your god- and AMS-fees-given voting rights. And heck, even if you’re not sure how you feel, signing only contributes toward making these referenda—meaning the student body as a whole will have to vote on them again.
The thoughtful Kyle Warwick was taking a clipboard door-to-door today in the SUB, and there’s a permanent station over in MASS if you’re near Buchanan tomorrow and feel like gettin’ political. And sexy. Because politics, if you were unaware, is FUN and SEXXXY
And finally, to fulfill our daily quota, here’s a unicorn within a unicorn:
Fuck the other referenda. Glorious Impeachment cannot be stopped!
Yesterday, the (really, really) ridiculously good looking Taylor Matt Naylor was passing around a petition for impeachment. How is this possible, you ask? You mean we might not be stuck with have Mr. Blake Frederick and his sidekick Timkachu representing us due to a legal blip? Yes, my friends. This is a possibility.
How smash? In order to remove Blim, a referendum would occur in which YOU, the student body, would decide whether we should have an interim President/VP External until the new one steps in. For this referendum to happen, 1000 signatures are needed. Considering our regular voter turnout, collecting that many signatures in two days could potentially be called some form of “mandate,” possibly “from the people.”
If we can’t remove them democratically, we’ll have to remove them democratically.
-Hillson Tse, opinionated badass, Facebook group “Impeach the AMS President and VP External“
Confused yet?
Hopefully that makes a bit more sense.
You can sign the request for a referendum in the AUS offices (BUCH D140) all day today. They need 1000 signatures by WEDS for the impeachment to go forward! The organizers also need volunteers to help sort the signatures for the upcoming Council meeting. If you have any questions or would like to volunteer, feel free to contact Matt Naylor (naylorm@interchange.ubc.ca)
Welcome to AMS Confidential, a down-and-dirty AMS elections blog. We’ll be bringing you as much rich, delicious content as you can stomach once elections kick in.
In the meantime, feel free to have a look at our fellow contributors, or pre-emptively vote for us in VFM.