Tag Archives: unicorns

15 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Vote in the AMS Referendum

Have you ever dated someone who is passive aggressive? It’s pretty much the most annoying thing in the world, and almost impossible to change. Kind of like the 92% of students who haven’t yet voted in the AMS Referendum. At first I was quite annoyed because the Referendum committee is sucking balls (last referendum ~23K students voted), but then I decided to just be passive aggressive like all the other students who haven’t voted yet. So, here’s why you shouldn’t vote:

#1 Democracy is a failure, at least, that’s what I’ve learned by reading Plato and shit. Also, something about a cave.

#2 I don’t drink alcohol, therefore I never get to enjoy $9.50 pitchers on campus.

#3 I’m celibate, so I never have to go to the Pit on Wednesdays to try and get laid. I also never use the AMS health plan to cover my birth control pills. Or cold medicine. Or antibiotics.

#4 My parents pay my tuition, so I don’t care if there’s a student society to lobby to the government about student loans, student aid, and shit like that.

#5 I’m graduating soon, so I don’t care about the $108 million brand new awesome SUB that is going to be built.

#6 All the VFM blogs are stupid, and I don’t like unicorns, therefore I don’t care if unicorn hack blogs exist.

some people draw devil horns on their exes, we think unicorn horns are cuter.

#7 I don’t like cheap but good food on campus, and I especially hate blue chip cookies.

okay, these look seriously so awesome.

#8 I never use the cheap Whistler Lodge. Whistler is stupid.

#9 I’m super smart so I don’t use the services, like free tutoring.

#10 Nobody reads The Ubyssey.

#11 I never get sick, so I never use the AMS health plan for prescriptions. I have perfect eyesight and teeth, too.

#12 I have no friends, so I’m not a member of any clubs that would benefit from a Club Benefits Fund.

#13 I hate getting drunk at outdoor concerts like Block Party and Welcome Back BBQ (and thus have never made out with Mike Duncan)

#14 I hate the earth. Screw a sustainability fee, worms are stupid.

#15 I never use my mother fucking U-Pass.

Oh, plus: I will never be sexually assaulted, and none of my friends will. Because I can totally control that, so there’s no need for me to consult with the Sexual Assault Support Centre.

Yeah, so, there’s probably at least one reason why you should vote for the “$5” increase. I’m going to go drink cheap beer now.

For more information on the referendum, check out our page here.

Bijan Haz Talent

4 Replies

Oh, readers. Taylor here, a year older now, hungover, and literally coming off the most sparkly weekend of my life. To nurse my headache, I can’t stop watching Bijan and Toope’s duet from UBC’s Got Talent.

I had the pleasure of celebrating the fruit of my parents loins (myself) by attending the fruit of Bijan’s loins (UBC’s Got Talent) at the Chan Centre where we consumed copious amounts of alcohol, danced in the aisles, and left at intermission. UBC’s Got Talent was horrible, from what I remember at least. Despite being “sold out” there was a lot of vacant seats, and the talent was quite awful.

However, Bijan sang with Toope. And oh my god, it was AMAZING. Now Bijan, we’re not taking back every bad thing we’ve ever said about you, but you are fucking awesome in this video. Tipsy, maybe, but still awesome. Our friend sitting beside us says that his shirt looks like someone jizzed all over it before he went onstage, but whatever. Watch and enjoy, especially the tender hug at the end.

Province Announces a Unicorn U-Pass!

12 Replies

In a flurry of activity on Twitter, BC Premier Gordon Campbell announced that all Metro Vancouver post-secondary students (except those private school kids at TWU!) will be eligible for a U-Pass, eliminating excuses for students to drive drunk!!! Oh, wait.

The new universal Unicorn U-Pass will cost $30/month, with students outside of Metro Vancouver paying less.

uh, yeah. we went there.

So, what does that mean for you sexy UBC folk? Yes, our ego may be a little crushed as our elitism is threatened and those plastic cards with horrific photos from first year pop up everywhere. However, great news: MORE SEXY REFERENDA.

VP External Jeremy McElroy broke exclusively to us (ok, it was a tweet to Taylor, but whatever) that come January 2011, there will be a referendum on accepting the U-Pass at the new price of $30/month. Or, $120/semester.

Currently you are paying $95/semester, or $23.75/month, so the price increase for a normal school year will be $50/year.

In comparison, currently those other kids are stuck with the FastTrax program offered from Translink which allows full-time students from non-private post-secondary institutions to travel across all zones for the price of a single zone adult monthly pass. Or, $81/month. Yikes.

SFU, Langara College, and Capilano University (our not-as-hot sisters in the U-Pass program) are also affected. Langara and Capilano currently pay more than $30/month so they get an immediate price cut. We assume SFU will also be holding a referendum to accept the new price. What do you think? Is paying ~$50 more per year worth it for students from Kwantlen, Emily Carr, etc to save $400 per year?

The overarching question to consider is whether we will be getting increased service to UBC, or if we are simply subsidizing increased service along routes to these other institutions.

As we’ve previously mentioned, in addition to the cost of the U-Pass going up, there are also whispers in a not-so-silent manner that AMS Council is going to hold a referendum or two on raising student fees and tying our student fees to CPI. Stay tuned, kids…we have a feeling there will be some sexy and dramatic debate next year about a whackload of fee increases.

For more information on the UBC U-Pass click here or here.

Like baby, baby, baby noooo

11 Replies

Update: Srsly, dudes. We even gots the MEMO: The Pit Pub Is Fucked

Somehow in the midst of last night’s council festivities, news happened right underneath our noses… literally. The loss to campus drinking culture is irreparable. Ladies and gentlemen, the War on Fun is for real: UBC has pulled the Pit Pub’s license.

let’s repeat that, without sparkles:

THE PIT PUB IS NO LONGER SERVING ALCOHOL

Seriously. The RCMP entered last night & confiscated several underage IDs, both inside and outside the bar. Service was cut off early last night, and this morning sources told us that there will be no further service until the AMS & the University iron this out.

What else do we know?

1. Licenses are being pulled as part of a joint effort between the university & campus RCMP to crack down on underage drinking.

2. Sources say the RCMP were tipped off as to the entry of underage drinkers by a bouncer working the back door. So… the RCMP are fans of back-door entry? [rimshot]

3. And, not that we totally believe this from the drunk girls, but the RCMP were wearing special ‘liquor law enforcement unit’ vests?? WE SO HOPE THIS IS TRUE. Fashion-forward thinking, guys.

you look underage. i can tell from your elaborate unicorn dress, and from seeing quite a few underagers in my time.

Another Update: Apparently on April 1st, people like spread shit. We’re happy you liked it 😉

AMS Confidential

more hacks than a lumberjack convention

Tag Archives: unicorns

15 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Vote in the AMS Referendum

Bijan Haz Talent

Province Announces a Unicorn U-Pass!

Like baby, baby, baby noooo

lulz of the day.