To: Jobina Taminga
From: Amy Vergouwen
Date: October 16, 2019
Subject: 301 Amy Vergouwen – 2:1 Peer review of Jobina’s formal report proposal
First impressions: I really enjoyed reading your research proposal, and I found it quite insightful. It seems that you are very well-versed in the goings-on at The Science Undergraduate Society at UBC, meaning that you most definitely are in a position to come up with a solution for their lack of participation within the society. It seems that you have put a lot of thought into this proposal. The main critique for your proposal is the proposed solutions, as they are a bit too abstract and vague and would be much improved if you provided examples of how the proposed solution would be accomplished.
Organization: Formatting was well done, and you explained each of the sections in enough detail. Your headings and overall organization of your paragraphs was well done and I appreciated the flow of your proposal. It was very easy and smooth to read.
Introduction: Overall, your introduction is well done – it is concise but provides enough detail that the reader understands what your general topic and issue are. The first sentence could use some reworking as the name of the organization is stated, “The Science Undergraduate Society”, but then directly after it states that the organization is an undergraduate society. As this is already a part of the name, it is not necessary to say. In the last sentence of the paragraph, I would add the word “and” after the comma to make the sentence easier to read.
Statement of Problem: There are no issues in your statement of problem paragraph. The paragraph does a great job of addressing the problem in the organization, and providing examples of the problem occurring: i.e.: “voter turnout as low as 1 person”. This is useful as it gives the reader insight into how bad the problem is.
Proposed Solution: Your proposed solutions seem a bit abstract. Simply saying that you would establish a stronger community within the students is too vague. How are you going to initiate this? Perhaps with more tangible examples of how you would exhibit these solutions, your proposed solution paragraph would be more concrete. The best solution in this paragraph that provides concrete examples of how you will accomplish this is the solution of spending more money on fewer but better events.
Scope: The questions are very well done and will likely provide very good data for your report. I would be interested to know, if students are not showing up to the events and participating in the organization, what are they doing with their time that they justify being more important than the SUS? Are they too busy with their studies? In other clubs? Not available at the times the organization meets?
Methods: Your methods of data collection are very good and will likely bring you the best information for your report. Interviews are a very good way to collect data and ask the necessary questions for your report, but might you also consider handing out an anonymous survey at the SUS? Your participants may be more willing to give you honest answers if they are not put on the spot in an interview setting.
Conclusion: The conclusion is a concise yet informative wrap-up of the proposal. It shows that you are eager to begin your research and that you are ready to take the necessary steps to do so.
Grammar/sentence structure: I did not come across any grammatical errors within your proposal. The only issues with sentence structure were the two sentences that I mentioned in the “introduction” of your proposal. Stating that the organization is an undergraduate society is redundant as this is known to the reader by the organization’s name “Science Undergraduate Society”. The other sentence at the end of your introduction simply requires the addition of the word “and” to increase flow of the sentence.
Concluding comments: Congratulations on a very well done proposal for your formal report. It is evident that you are passionate about the Science Undergraduate Society at UBC and that you are eager to find a solution to their problem of lack of participation. Please consider these suggestions for revision:
- Add more examples in your proposed solutions section to eliminate vagueness
- Consider handing out an anonymous survey at SUS rather than only conducting interviews
- Fix the minor issues with sentence structure stated above to increase flow
I wish you the best of luck in your research!
Jobina’s Proposal: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/10/09/research-proposal-for-a-formal-report/
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