Hi Yury,
I have reviewed your formal report proposal on “Making Lecture Capture Systems More Effective for Statistics Students at UBC”. It is definitely a great proposal, however, there are few suggestions to strengthen the composition of the proposal even more.
First Impressions: The topic is very interesting and the outcome of the research seems to fulfill the promise of benefitting Statistics students at UBC. It is an attention grasping topic for students and the faculties of UBC. With the advancement in modern ways of providing lectures, it is very important to ensure that efficient and effective outcomes are generated. Also, it is imperative to mention briefly about the readers (you are trying to persuade) familiar with the context of the proposal report.
Overall document lay-out and design: Overall, the document is well designed with subheadings following a sequence.
Organization: Overall, you have attempted to organize the proposal report quite well. Adding a few more subheadings will make it easy to follow at a glance.
Background: The background provides a brief yet important information about various modernized lecturing methods.
Purpose: It incorporates both problem statement as well as proposed solution(s) in one, whereas, it would be more descriptive to write both problem statement and proposed solution separately under respective subheadings. This will organize the content even more for the readers. Another simplified way is to categorize Benefits and Risks using point form or bullets.
Scope: The scope outlines detailed analysis questions needed to suffice the report.
Methods: The use of primary and secondary data sources will strengthen the evidence of effective implementation of Lecture Capture Systems. The interviews are time consuming but will undoubtedly provide you with enough sources to back up your final report.
My Qualifications: Your qualifications and networking experience strongly support the knowledge and research needed to complete this report.
Expected Results: It is clear and concise, however, needs a little organization. Using point form will make it easy to read and follow.
Conclusion: The conclusion sums up the report proposal in an effective manner.
Grammar, punctuation and problems of expression:
- Under Background, the first sentence, “The Statistics……..discussion forums” can actually read better if written as two sentences. So the first sentence should read, “The Statistics Department at UBC is continuously modernizing lectures provided to students with the introduction of a variety of technologies.” The second sentence will read as, “This includes the use of mixed-content notebooks, I-clicker systems and online discussion forums.”
- Under Conclusion, the second sentence contains an unneeded comma before the word “to”, probably a typo. The sentence, “This report will target…….Statistics at UBC”, should read as “This report will target key performance indicators for student success that will be beneficial to both students and professors in the department of Statistics at UBC.
Concluding Comments: Small changes entail a big difference. By making changes as I suggested, the proposal will look more attractive to persuade the readers.
- Correcting the minor punctuation errors.
- Making two sentences from a long reading sentence.
- Organization using point form or bullets.
- Using subheadings to categorize different aspects like Risks, Benefits, Problem, Solution.
- Most importantly, briefly mentioning details about the intended readers.
Your report proposal is a well thought and interesting topic. I am eagerly looking forward to the final report and the outcome(s). These suggestions will only enhance the strength of your proposal making it more persuasive for the readers. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact me.
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