TO: Jojo (Syau-jing) Huang, Team Writer
FROM: Lisa Liang, Team Editor
DATE: October 10, 2019
SUBJECT: Peer Review of effective email communication
Hi Jojo, thank you for submitting this memo regarding effective email communication. Please allow me to share a few suggestions below:
First Impression: Each section in this of this memo was written clearly and concisely. Content of the memo is easy to digest, but the long list of tips may be intimidating to readers.
Introduction: Introduction was very short, but it did convey the message clearly. Although it did specify the purpose of the email, the introduction could be a bit longer to include the specifications of why Evan should follow the tips listed.
Tips for writing emails to the professors: The list could be shorten by categorizing and condensing similar tips into one bullet point. For instance, the two points “Concluding the email with appropriate closing statements, such as “Best Wishes” and “Sincerely”” and “Signing off with the full name and the student number” can be combined into one bullet point. Replacing those two points with “Conclude email with appropriate closing statements, full name, and student number” will help shorten the list.
Grammar/Typos: The list of tips in this memo contains several unnecessary determiners such as “the” and “their”. Eliminating these unnecessary determiners will also help shorten the list of tips, making it more convenient for the reader. Replacing the sentence “Addressing the professors with their titles and last names, such as “prof. Lambert”” with “Addressing professors with appropriate titles such as “prof. Lamber”” will be sufficient to get the point across. The bullet point “Signing off with the full name and the student number” could also be edited to eliminate the unnecessary “the” determiners.
Avoid the “pronoun” you within the body: This memo has demonstrated writing with “YOU Attitude”. Aside from the introduction and conclusion, the body of the memo does not contain imperative verbs and avoids the use of “you”.
Conclusion: The memo ends with a friendly tone and highlights the importance of effective email communication. No edits are necessary for this section.
Overall, this memo was well written. The suggestions mentioned above will assist with creating a more concise list for Evan. If you have any further questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me at lisa.liang@alumni.ubc.ca.
Link to Jojo’s post: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/11/22/writing-with-you-attitude-memo-2/
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