To: Eric Chang, English 301 Team Writer
From: Erfan Ahmed, English 301 Team Editor
Date: December 10, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft
Hi Eric,
Thanks for submitting your formal report draft regarding the ‘Understaffiing issues of the Richmond Aquatics Special Needs Program’. Here are some following comments and recommendations on your report:
Overall Impression
The formatting of the report is concise and well structured, and is also supported by an informative table of contents that summarizes the topics of discussion for the purpose of this report. It is an interesting topic that requires further awareness, that can provide background information on the nature of the problem complimented by proposed counter measures and solutions that will allow the reader to take the necessary decision to make improvements or potentially request funding from the city of Richmond for the program. Although the formal report draft is currently still in the process of being completed, I would suggest to include a references page with citations to ensure that you have accurate sources, such as the website for the Richmond Aquatics centre in Figure 2.
Introduction
The introduction paragraph introduces the current problem that is being addressed to the reader, and how it will affect children that are currently accessing swimming lessons as Richmond Aquatic centre. In the description section regarding staffing shortage, I would recommend including more details on the ratio and statistics of the current program at the centre as the ratio does not include the current number of volunteers that are staffed, and the number of children that are accessing the program on a monthly basis. Including this piece of information will allow the reader to understand the nature of the issue further, that will then transition into what to expect in the rest of the report. For the description of the data source, the grammar should also be corrected to past tense – since the reader should assume that the collection of data has been completed for the purpose of the report. For example, changing “interviews will be conducted” to “interviews were conducted”
Data Analysis
The data analysis section makes many detailed discussions about the projected amount of volunteers that are needed to help run the program more efficiently. The data analysis from the surveys conducted should elaborate current trends and issues with the problems of short staffing, and further support reasons for the current turnover rate.
Grammar
Overall, the grammar and sentence structures are well written and provides a detailed and concise message that explains how the problems pertained towards understaffing at Richmond Aquatics centres poses a threat to the vulnerability of the program. I would highly advise to proofread and review your final paper before submitting it, as a couple sections of the report have some minor spelling or punctuation errors such as “two hour” would be “two-hour” and using comma breaks or semicolons in sentences that might be long and descriptive. An example of this would be changing “For example the lifeguard hiring” to “For example, the lifeguard hiring” Another example of structuring a sentence more efficiently would be to change the word choice that fits more within the context of the report. An example of this in the report would include changing from “amount of students” to “number of students”.
Conclusion
Overall, the formal report represents a great topic of interest that discesses the consequences of how short staffing at the Richmond Aquatic centre. I hope that the suggestions I have made will impact your decision to make some improvements in the grammar and structure which can then make it an exceptionally good report. I look forward to reading your final report in the coming days, and I wish you all the best in completing the final assessments.
Should you have any further questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me at erfan@ualberta.ca
Best regards,
Erfan
Link to Eric Chang’s formal report draft: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/12/06/formal-report-draft-5/
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