To: Jojo Huang, member of Peanut
From: Amy Yung, member of Peanut
Date: December 10, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft
Your peer review for “Extending Customer Bases for the Futian Dumpling Restaurant” has been completed. The peer review includes overall impressions and comments/suggestions for each section of the report. Your questions are welcome.
At first glance, the report is well-detailed and organized. However, the introduction section seems lengthy. Furthermore, the lack of spacing between the heading and sub-heading makes it hard to read.
Organization, Style and Design:
The report is well-organized, but as mentioned previously, spacing between the heading and sub-heading would be preferred. The headings and sub-headings fully summarize the information presented later. The transition between each heading is smooth. With regards to style, an objective and positive tone is present throughout most of the report. Ensuring a positive attitude convinces the reader that the report is goal-oriented. The graphs used are well-designed with correct and effective labels. Furthermore, the colors used makes them visually appealing.
As mentioned before, the introduction is lengthy. There are many unnecessary information presented. Since the report is for Ms. Song, the background section would be unnecessary as she would already know about it. Furthermore, the problem section and vegetarian sections contains a thorough explanation of the topic, but they can be revised to be more concise.
This section is similar to the introduction section where it is lengthy and contains unnecessary information. An example would be explaining the origin of customers in the first paragraph. The explanation can be more concise just by indicating that there are two sources of food orders: eating inside and take out. Explaining thoroughly that customers either live far away or are from companies diverts the focus of this report. Moreover, Ms. Song should already know her customer base and origin. In the second paragraph goes into detail about the concerns of the restaurant. As mentioned before, since this report is for Ms. Song, this paragraph either is not needed or can be revised to be shorter in length. This section includes the technical term “receipt” and it would be best to explain it. At first glance, the term “receipt” may cause confusion to readers between a paper receipt and the skin of a dumpling.
Data Collection and Analysis:
This section contains many uses of “I”. De-emphasizing the use of “I” can aid in effectively writing to the reader. Graphs used in this section are labelled and colorful. However, it is confusing to read when graphs are referred to in the text without a specific label. Effectively labelling the graphs such as using “Figure 1” can aid readers when looking for the associated graph referred in the text.
Recommendations are well-thought out and refers back to the data gathered, but is quite lengthy. This sub-section can be shortened by removing information already mentioned from previous sections. The expected outcome section is clear and concise.
Grammar and Typos:
This report contains many grammar errors and typos. An example would be using “got” in the first paragraph of the problem section. The sentence should omit the word “got”, so the sentence would be “…has many positive feedback…”. Including the word “got” makes the sentence awkward sounding. Another example would be using the word “besides” in the second paragraph of the data collection section. Using “besides” in the associated context (“Besides, all of the 34 responders…”) is unnecessary as the sentence makes more sense omitting the word. Proofreading the report before submitting can reduce these errors.
Overall, your report is well done. I enjoyed learning about the difference between a vegetarian and vegan. Please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any questions.