4.1 Taras Shyp Application Package
To: Taras Shyp, English 301 Writing Team Member
From: Morgan Brandt, English 301 Writing team Member
Date: December 16, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Application Package
Hello Taras,
Reading your application package was a treat to learn more about your background in oncology and work with the references available during the application process. The documents overall are well organized, conversational but not stiff, and showcases your resume well.
Cover Letter
Content
- The content fulfills the reader’s requirements as a recruiter, providing the context of industry experience as well as career goals.
- The letter is correctly formatted and addressed to the institution of application.
- The recipient is defined as much as possible based on our knowledge.
- The letter contains a clear introduction, body, conclusion, and salutation.
Organization
- The introduction directly approaches the reader to read the application letter.
- The conclusion invites the reader to act with a response or request more information regarding the application if needed.
Style and Tone
- The letter utilizes a “you” perspective where necessary, focussing on the key information for the application process.
- The letter is written in plain English outside of the jargon associated with the medical field. This would not hinder the intended reader of the letter.
- The tone is friendly, confident, and professional throughout.
- The design of the document is a conservative one page, however, spaces between introduction, body and concluding paragraphs create effective use of white space.
- Clarity can be improved by proofreading the document for awkward phrasing, word choice, and previous edits.
Resume
Content
- An impressive archive of education and work experiences are listed, a further description of each would add credibility and demonstrate industry skills.
Organization
- The font size to spacing ratio could be increased to maintain the 2-page maximum, increasing readability and emphasis on headings and content.
- To effectively use white space, add the skill bar graphs under the block of interests to fill the empty field. This will also leave room to include all references on the second page.
Style and Tone
- The tone is professional and formal.
- The design of the document is conservative utilizing a chronological resume format.
- The style is clear and concise but more attention to experience in the field would be beneficial.
Reference Request Letters
Content
- The letters’ mailing addresses are correctly formatted with a defined reader in mind.
- The letters contain salutations, introductory paragraph, a body with defined intent, concluded with a call to action with mention of attached documents.
- The letter’s main point is clearly stated in the subject line, the end of the introduction, and reinforced in the conclusion.
Organization
- The introduction indirectly leads to the favour being asked, which feels appropriate if the reader has not been contacted recently.
- The action being requested is still introduced in the first paragraph and clearly elaborated in the body paragraph.
- The conclusion encourages the reader to act by providing any documents required to reference.
Style and Tone
- The letter focuses on the reader throughout, however, some awkward phrasing and word choices decentralize the reader for small instances.
- Ex) Letter third paragraph 3 “Providing your reference would be profitable for me, and increase the chances to get a desirable position,” changing the phrase to “A reference provided by you would increase my chances profoundly,” increases clarity and concision.
- The letter is written in relatively plain English, aside from industry-related jargon, which would not hinder the intended readers.
- The tone is polite, conversational, and professional.
- The letter is designed with the principles of white space and content balance in mind.
- The style of the letters overall is clear, concise, and likeable, by integrating attention to the readers’ career achievements while maintaining a clear motive throughout.
- To improve clarity and readability, the letters have a few grammatical errors and typos that once fixed would increase the response rate for reference letters.
In general, your application package integrates the lesson strategies effectively to curate a concise resume, informative cover letter, and reference request letters that centralize the reader. The only recommendations for improvement are to proofread for basic typos and grammatical errors that arise when editing drafts, as well as to arrange the content to effectively use white space in the page layout. For your convenience, I have attached a marked-up copy of the application package with directed comments and suggested edits. If you have any questions about implementing my recommendations, feel free to contact me at m.brandt@alumni.ubc.ca.
Sincerely,
Morgan Brandt
Encl.: Marked up Application Package
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