To: Eva Ruiz
From: Michaela Basciano
Date: June 20, 2020
Peer Review: Proposal for Determining How to Gain Authority While Engaging Students Age 5 to 10 as an Online Teacher
Thank you for submitting your proposal as a part of the 2:1 assignment. The topic presented is very relevant in today’s world given the global pandemic; the need for improvement in online educational resources has never been more important. Please see the review of the proposal below with suggestions for improvements, which you should hopefully find useful.
First Impressions:
This looks like a comprehensive proposal with all the requirements well-organized, including a large scope of questions to investigate and a clear demonstration of your knowledge of the problem at hand.
Organization:
- The introduction and background provided gives a great presentation to the problem and proposed solution.
- Although all of the sections of the proposal are well separated and organized with the appropriate heading, a slight layout change may be beneficial to the document. The sections are very spaced out and bringing the spacing in slightly will lead to a more fluent read on the team forum.
- The given conclusion wraps up this proposal nicely, reiterating key points and bringing them together in a cohesive way.
Expression:
- Overall, the expression throughout the proposal is very even and concise. It remains clear and to the point, allowing for an easy read.
- Many key statements, such as the ones found in your “My Qualifications” section, really provide reasons as to why this research proposal should be supported by Dr. Paterson.
- Although the points are clear, the phrase “gain authority” may come off as a little aggressive for what I believe you’re trying to achieve, as authority often means having the power of the right to control or prohibit the actions of other people. Consider switching to “improve”, or, “improving captivation in online teaching amongst 5 to 10-year-old children”. As learned in psychology, when children are captivated and/or engaged, they tend to be more obedient within that given context.
Content:
- The proposal is complete according to the assignment requirements and the given example in the textbook. It includes all the needed headings and a well-sized list/scope of questions. Well done.
Grammar and Typos:
- One place in this document where there is a very apparent typo or misuse of grammar is the sentence that starts off the Scope heading. It may cause your reader to stumble. Consider changing it to, “In order to create this proposed guide and make the need for this guide clear to others, I will…”, or something of this nature. Adding a comma and a few additional words will make the statement more coherent after the first read.
- Another error that was noticed, also within the Scope section of your proposal is the last question. Having “And content?” is not a full question, which can leave your reader confused. What content are you attempting to refer to? Consider working it into the original question or creating a completely separate question on content.
Concluding Comments:
Your proposal was wonderful to read and brings forth an intriguing problem to solve, thank you. With the edits discussed and a proofread for small errors, this will be even more of a great proposal! To briefly sum up the above discussed:
- Reducing spacing in your document on the forum will improve readability and captivation.
- Self-editing for typos and grammatical expressions is needed (see notes on Scope above).
- Adjusting the expression of the proposed topic.
Thank you and please feel free to ask any questions. It has been a pleasure reviewing this work and I look forward to seeing your end result!
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