TO: Money Dhaliwal
FROM: Aran Chang
DATE: August 15, 2020
SUBJECT: Peer Review for Money’s Application Package
Dear Money,
Money, I have reviewed your job application package draft as per Assignment 4.1. Thank you for completing such a professional, organized, and succinct application package. The resume is particularly excellent straight to the point, indicating the purpose of your writing right away. It would be recommended to utilize more You-attitude in the cover letter, improving the application package overall. Below are some recommendations for your consideration.
ORGANIZATION
The organization of the application package is logical and easy to follow for the reader. It would be recommended to left align the title distinguishing the different sections of the resume, as to allow ease of reading through the document. In your three reference letters, please notice the large space between your address location and the date; please consider removing the space to ensure a tidy document.
JOB POSTING
The job posting has been included with a citation in MLA format at the bottom of the page, well done.
COVER LETTER
The cover letter successfully highlights your technical skills, particularly those that match the ad’s qualifications section. The tone used is professional, friendly, and confident, and presents you as strong candidate for this position.
Employing a You-attitude in the cover letter will help you stand out more to the potential employer. Great job including specific qualities that the team at Exercise Interventions lab would value. Please consider revising “I am excited to possibly hear back and appreciate your time and consideration.” to “I am excited to hear back from you, and I appreciate your time and consideration.” The removal of possibly makes your document stronger, and shows the employer that you are confident and wanting the position.
Please notice the large space between your address location and the date; please consider removing the space to ensure a tidy document.
RESUME
The resume is clean and well-formatted. It is easy to read and captures technical skills as well as an overview of responsibilities at past positions and with past projects.
Changing the “Work Experiences” section to be “Experience” would be a more succinct way to name the section and reflects the standards from the textbook.
Rewriting bullet points with accomplishment statements in the “Work Experiences” and “Personal” sections will help tie technical skills in to value of these skills for the potential employer. For example, “Lead resistance training, stretching and balance routine” could be changed to “Lead resistance training, stretching and balance routine with prior experience to ensure healthy and safe development of clients.”
As mentioned above, please consider left aligning the large categories within the document to ensure ease of reading.
REFERENCE REQUEST LETTERS
All three reference request letters are written in a respectful tone and make explicit what you have learned at each company, which demonstrates writing with a You-attitude. Writing with a You-attitude to include why your experience at each company has helped you prepare for the next role places emphasis on the reader, and will help them feel more comfortable in providing a reference. The request letters can be improved by explaining how referencing the specific individual will be helpful in the job search, in addition to the experience gained from the workplace. As stated before, please notice the large space between your address location and the date; please consider removing the space to ensure a tidy document.
CONCLUSION
Your application package draft is very impressed and it would it is difficult to find much improvement. The resume makes explicit technical skills pertaining to the job posting and the bullet points give the reader a good overview of your qualifications. Additionally, the cover letter and reference request letters demonstrate a personable, professional, and thoughtful attitude. Overall, the application package draft is successful, and will be improved further by employing a You-attitude in the cover letter, and rewriting bullet points to be accomplishment statements in the resume.
If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me at aran@abasa.ca.
Best regards,
Aran Chang
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