Date: August 15, 2020
Peer Reviewer: Jiajie Xu
Author: Cynthia Li
Document under review: Unit 4:1 Application Package Draft
Hello Cynthia,
Thank you for posting the application package draft, which is another excellent work on our team forum. The package fully contains essential elements listed on the instructions for assignment in a fluent and logical flow. The tone applied gives a professional impression and the typesetting does comfortable to read. For developing it to an even better job-hunting package, improving the conciseness and focusing more on the employ of YOU attitude would be an effective option. Detailed suggestions are listed as follow:
First impression
The package provides effective information to help the reader to know the background information of the applicant and shows the sincerity to relevant recruitment. As can be seen, displayed skills and experiences are effectively aiming on the position.
Organization
The whole package is overall being well-organized in sections. Each section reflects to its main theme accurately. Some works that can make the article much proper arranged:
- Keeping the title on the top of the second page of the resume.
- Bolding the front of personal and contact information on the top of the cover letter and reference letters.
- Re-arranging the spaces within the closing part of letters would bring them a clearer stylish.
Content
There are enough and satisfied contents being composed through the whole package. Whereas, some of these contents can be described in a much detailed and effective way.
- Job advertisement
The job advertisement is being attached completely include the company’s logo, which gives a clear looking.
- Cover letter
This cover letter demonstrates positive intentions to the application. It is worth noting that there are some details in the letter that can be enhanced:
- Identifying the person and his/her title in the company that this letter is sending to would express the applicant’s emphasis much more effective.
- Adding the reader’s salutation at the beginning of the text body.
- Employing the YOU attitude in some proper areas of the text.
- Trying to focus more on the reader’s perspective rather than using “I” frequently within the text.
- Adding the signature in between the closing and the typed name at the end of the letter.
- Resume
The resume includes rich amount of experience. However, they may need further organize and detailed information. Some adjustments can be made:
- Inserting the title at the top of the second page of the resume.
- Moving the contact information into the title followed by the applicant’s name.
- Listing tasks in the EXPERIENCE section in point form instead of putting them together in a big chunk of text.
- Expanding the detailed content within the major and the most effective tasks for each of the experience.
- Expanding the information within the EDUCATION section. Specially under the sub-heading of university (such as related courses and academic projects) to show what kind of knowledge were being learned and studied can be valuable for the aiming position.
- Moving certifications to another independent category.
- Starting to list experience from the most recent date to the oldest in each category.
- Removing any volunteer experience that is unrelated to the applied position and detailed describe the content of tasks within those related to it.
- Reference letters
The reference letter clear expresses the purpose to the reader. Something can be further improved on the writing style:
- Adding title of the reader followed by his/her name.
- Providing much detailed address information for the reader’s working place.
- Adding the signature in between the closing and the typed name at the end of the letter.
Style
The overall design and arrangement of the package is concise and easy to read. Improving the proper separation and emphasis to control the rhythm of the article would have a much positive feedback.
Grammar
The whole package contains no significant grammar errors. While the application of some sentences can be adjusted and developed:
- “I am currently in my last year at UBC and am currently looking to pursue a career in technical writing.” can be rewrite as
“I am currently in my last year at UBC and looking to pursue a career in technical writing.” to improve the conciseness.
- Avoiding the repetitive use of words in between sentences and paragraphs, such as using “I am …”, “Thank you for …” and “It was …” within those reference letters.
Tone
The applied tone through the body text is generally smooth and professional.
Concluding statements
By way of conclusion, this application package contains a lot of valuable information of the applicant and the text is in a concise logical flow. A certain adjustment would help unleashing its potential and may bring benefit for the final revise. Major suggestions are as follow:
- Managing the design and detailed information mainly for the resume section.
- Avoiding the repetitive use of words
- Employing the YOU attitude and focusing on the reader perspective
- Fulfilling reader’s information at the beginning and adding the signature at the end of the letter
Please let me know if you have further question or need any discussion. Feel free to contact me at jiajie.xu@hotmail.com.
Thank you.
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