TO: Christina Hruby
FROM: Michaela Basciano
Date: June 7, 2020
SUBJECT: Peer Review of Expanded Definition of Periodontitis
I have completed reviewing your expanded definition of periodontitis on our team forum. Thank you for picking a complex term and teaching me something new! From first glance, I can tell you took the time in making your assignment stand out with a themed appointment layout. Thank you for your good work!
I did not find myself needing to ask any further questions regarding the term and your chosen grammar made the explanations easy to digest. I believe that with picking a complex medical term, you provided enough description for the reader to understand the term without getting too complex in your definition and leaving them confused. Although I had to read this definition a little slower, I was able to fully understand what periodontitis was after the first read to a reasonable extent. Your warnings for the reader, letting them know things were going to become more advanced (as seen in your paragraph just above Frequently Asked Questions), were helpful and prompted me to prepare to read more meticulously.
There are some revisions I would recommend, and the following are a few things that came to mind while reading your definition:
Organization: Although the theme/layout of your assignment was really creative in relating to your chosen definition, I found myself stumbling at times when trying to find your three required definitions of the term. The expanded definition, however, was very thorough and well organized. Your choices of methods of expansion I think played to your benefit in using this document as an educational tool. In particular, the choice of graphics was very beneficial to your explanations. One additional tiny thing I noticed was your in-text citing — I believe they need to reflect proper in-text MLA or APA formatting.
Voice/Flow: There were some instances I found myself stumbling while reading; I found the internal flow of your paragraphs were not always ideal. For example, in your first paragraph under your main heading, I found it odd to have, what I believe to be, the parenthetical definition within brackets followed by a sentence I find to be almost unrelated. That being said, I struggle to understand whether your parenthetical definition and sentence definition were grouped, or if you are missing one of the two. Although in part an organizational suggestion, I would maybe recommend having your parenthetical and sentence definitions separate from the themed layout and have your themed layout encompass the entire expanded definition in order to achieve a better flow and avoid potential repetition.
Purpose & Audience: I believe your preface paragraphs were excellent in addressing the assignment and intended audience. It was very easy to understand your intent and your choice of audience was perfect.
I hope you find my recommendations helpful while completing the remainder of this assignment. Although this review is lengthy, your assignment is well underway and is well written. You have put in some great work. Let me know if you require further information for your last few adjustments.
(Original Blog Post: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-98a-2020sa/2020/05/29/unit-13-definitions/)
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