TO: Zainab Rauf Tramboo, Team Member of “Thoth”
FROM: Jiajie Xu, Team Member of “Thoth” JX
DATE: June 10, 2020
SUBJECT: Peer Review of Your Assignment 1-3 Definitions
I have taken careful reading of your Assignment 1-3 Definitions on our writing team forum. I appreciate for the time and effort that you have taken for such a nice work. Also, I am proud of you since our team forum became more wonderful with your contribution.
Your definition gave me a clear introduction and well-organized information of the technical term. As one of the team members, I would like to offer some positive suggestions based on your writing and for you to have small revisions, which displays as follow:
Organization:
Overall, the structure of your article is well-organized as the three types of definitions and the four expansion strategies are being demonstrated very clearly and distinctively. However, it would be better to have a bolded subtitle for each of the expansion strategies, which might bring the audience an overview of what is the followed paragraph going to demonstrate. In addition, a more specific reading situation as well as the audiences can be provided for your definition in the introduction part.
Also, the title showing on the post seems missing.
Purpose and Voice:
Each section of the definition is using simple language to explain the term, which is good to give the idea of the term to the targeted audiences with non-technical background. The article uses active voice consistently that makes it easy to read. Yet, there can still has some improvements on developing the contents. Such as the section of “Basis characteristics of a bond-”. It is better to give a conclusion on how these introduced concepts function together as a complete system of the bond.
Jargon:
Words are straight forward and simple. Technical terms are well-explained.
Visuals:
The image is concise that clearly shows how bond works. Nevertheless, there are insufficient introduction and explanation followed by the image. Detailed discussions based on the image such as a step-by-step running process of the cycle can be included. In addition, the image seems to be a bit too small for showing those words.
Research:
I notice that there are different categories of bonds and they can function in different ways, which I suggest these would be the essentially important information that helps the audience to have a much deeper and wider understanding on the term.
I wish my advises would be helpful and beneficial for you to complete editing your assignment. While at the same time, please do not be hesitated to discuss with me if you have any further questions on my peer review since I am also getting improvement on my English writing skills as a student. I am looking forward to seeing your edited assignment.
Link to Zainab’s definition:
https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-98a-2020sa/2020/06/06/69978/
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