To: Cathy Liu, English 301 Writer
From: Money Dhaliwal, English 301 Reviewer
Date: June 23, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal: Improving Access to Gambling Support at BC Lotto Booths
Thank you for submitting this proposal for improving access to gambling support at BC lotto booths. I have laid out some thoughts and suggestions below.
First Impressions
The clarity and professional tone of this proposal really helped to strengthen the argument and credibility. It was pleasant to read the first time through without any areas of confusion. The problem being addressed was clear from the beginning and the proposal stayed relevant throughout.
Organization
The organization of the proposal is great with clear subtitles and bullet points where needed. It follows the template provided and needs no changes.
Introduction
The introduction gives a clear description of the BCLC and what they do. A possible area of concern is clearly highlighted in the concluding sentence.
- The mention of net income does seem slightly redundant when it is already mentioned that BCLC is a billion dollar business.
Statement of Problem
This section nicely expands on what is mentioned in the introduction. It is concise without any unnecessary info.
- A citation for the data mentioned in the first sentence would be useful and add credibility.
Proposed Solution
The proposed solutions are well laid out and clearly explain the plan of action.
- The one concern is with the second proposed solution where employees provide specific customers with unsolicited information. This may come off inappropriate or out of line to some.
Scope
The research questions listed are all relevant to the problem and would provide results that could be applied.
- The only concern here is whether some of these questions will be within the scope of the employees to be interviewed. For example, an employee may not have insight into whether verbal or print information is more effective. A review of these research questions and whether the interviewees will be able answer them sufficiently would be useful in refining this section.
Methods
The methods chosen for data collection seem reasonable and practical. However, as mentioned above, employees may be unlikely to have adequate or credible answers for some of the questions being asked.
Grammar and Technical Errors
From beginning to end this proposal has very few grammatical or technical mistakes. I have listed some minor ones below.
- In the first sentence of the Conclusion, ” gambling addictions and the risks” could be changed to “gambling addiction and its risks” for clarity
- In the last sentence for the Conclusion the word “implications” appears to be misplaced
Concluding Comments
Overall, this is a well done proposal with a great professional tone. Some reviewal of the scope and questions being asked would help refine the proposal. I hope the suggestions listed will be helpful during the revision process. Feel free to reach out for any clarification or questions.
Encl. Cathy’s Proposal
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