TO: Michaela Basciano, The Scribes Technical Writing Partner
FROM: Eva Ruiz, The Scribes Technical Writing Partner
DATE: June 23, 2020
SUBJECT: Peer Review of Formal Research Proposal for Improving UBC Nightlife
Thank you for submitting your research proposal for assignment 2:1. Having reviewed the proposal I believe it is an excellent and very relevant topic to look into on campus. Here are a few recommendations I will put forth regarding the proposal.
First Impressions:
This topic appears to be an exceptional subject to study at a University campus and is especially relevant in regards to the recent shut down of the fraternities at UBC. Given that UBC has the largest Greek system and is home to so many students and clubs it is essential that the safety of the student attending and throwing the parties is ensured.
Organization:
- The Introduction section as well as the Statement of the Problem section made clear the need for further research in this area.
- Addition of the intended audience would fit well under either the Introduction or the Proposed Solution section of the formal report.
- The Scope provided appropriate questions for determining what information the students and clubs already have for training, enforcement in their events, and areas that they would like to improve. A thought to consider would be how these questions being answered would feasibly improve nightlife practices at UBC, as is the suggested proposal title and solution.
- The methods are a viable and sensible way to attain large amounts of data from the Students at UBC.
- Michaela’s qualifications for this research are exceptional as she has reach and power with a lot of students and organizations within UBC, which will help with the collection of a sizable data pool.
- Conclusion was very fitting as it encompases what University life is and should be like for all its students. It also holds a promise for future generations of students to have a safer experience during these times of discovery.
Expression:
Overall, this document was clear and concise in its wording. I noted that there was very minimal usage of pronouns which show great attention to detail as well as fulfills the demands of professional writing. Additionally, there was good use of parentheticals and abbreviations throughout all sections.
Content:
All components of the assignment according to the template provided in the Technical Communications textbook as well as those provided by Professor Paterson are present (Introduction, Statement of the Problem, Proposed Solution, Scope, Methods, My Qualification, Conclusion). There appears to be no heading or spacing issues within the proposal.
Grammar and Typos:
- Under the Statement of the Problem there is a rather long parenthetical that lists all the clubs and organizations that have emerged to help improve consent culture. I suggest just turning it into a sentence like this
- “While UBC and its Alma Mater Society (AMS) have made efforts in improving the idea of “consent culture” on campus such as the opening of the Sexual Violence Prevention & Response Office (SVPRO), the expansion of educational services at the Sexual Assault Support Centre (SASC) and Wellness Centre. Notably, ….”
- In the Proposed Solution the first sentence should be split into two parts as it runs rather long and the addition of etc makes it difficult to read.
- “There can often be many discrepancies when discussing what is considered a safe practice or safe space and what is considered harmful. These discrepancies can arise from a lack of education, miscommunication, and a difference in beliefs and values.”
Concluding Comments
The Formal Proposal was, overall, professional, well put, and compelling to read. Taking the suggestions made by myself and Professor Paterson should ensure a polished report. Below is a summary of the edits to be made:
- Add an intended audience for the proposal in the Introduction or the Proposed Solution section of the paper
- Consider the two edits made under the Grammar and Typos section of this peer review, as it may help with the flow of the sentences.
Please, feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions regarding my review. Thank you for your time.
Encl: Michaela’s Proposal
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