To: Aran Chang – English 301 writing team member
From: Glen Kavaliunas – peer writing team member
Date: June 23, 2020
Peer Review: Proposal for Improving Tutoring Session Scheduling at Pathways to Education
Thank you for posting this well thought out formal report proposal for improving tutoring session scheduling at Pathways to Education. Please see the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements, which may be useful in writing the formal report.
First Impressions:
This is a valid and timely subject given the need for specific area expertise in tutoring sessions and the scheduling issues caused by COVID-19. As with all other areas of education, the struggle to switch to online support without compromising service and ensuring the right volunteers connect with students is a significant challenge.
Organization:
- This looks like a well-structured proposal; headings are well used.
- Including a description of the target audience of reader would be helpful. Who will the formal proposal be addressed to? Who can authorize a change to the booking system?
- The problem is explained well, prior to suggesting a valid possible solution, but how will the solution be implemented? Will booking move online? Will students schedule a time, expressing the expertise needed and then the volunteer will select their schedule?
Expression:
- Overall, the proposal is straightforward and easy to follow.
- The tone is professional and respectful towards to reader.
Content:
- The proposal is complete according to the assignment 2:1 requirements posted on the Instructor’s Blog and the examples in the textbook, Technical Communication by John M Lannon and Laura J. Gurak.
- The headings are suitable, and the scope of research is substantial enough to make educated decisions regarding the scheduling of students and volunteers/tutors.
- The proposed methods are also logical and not too onerous.
Grammar and Typos:
There are several small errors throughout the paper.
- In the Introduction:
- Sentence one – “Pathways to education…” the “E” in education should be capitalized because each word in the company name needs to start with a capital.
- Sentence one – numbers should be written out in long-form in formal writing such as “grades eight to twelve”.
- Sentence two – “…tutoring, mentoring, financial and one-to-one support” Financial needs to be clarified by using the term financial support or financial aide. Doing so will help with parallel structure in the piece.
- Sentence four – “Pathways have adapted…” should have a singular linking verb because the subject, Pathways, is a singular business. Try using “has” instead of “have”. An abbreviated form of the company title is used here. The abbreviation should be beside the full company name in sentence one.
- In the Statement of the Problem section:
- Clarity is needed regarding the use of “pathway session” in the first sentence. Is the topic of the session the student’s pathway or is “pathway” referring to the name of the company and therefore should start with a capital letter?
- Sentence one – “…volunteer who are able…” Subject-verb agreement is needed. Replace “are” with “is”.
- Sentence three – “…opportunity to volunteer, due to …” The sentence does not need a comma.
- Sentence four – “…as oppose to the…“ Oppose should have a “d” on the end of the word.
- In the Proposed Solutions section:
- Sentence two “…Pathways to Education, must collect…” The comma is not needed.
- Sentence six – “The solution implement…” Awkward phrasing is present. Change the beginning of the sentence to “The purpose of the proposed solution…”
- In the Scope section:
- Under point two “…cut short due a lack of …” needs “to” added between “due” and “a”
- Under point three “times” should be singular rather than plural.
- Sentence three should end with a question mark rather than a period.
- Sentence four “…most preferred…” is redundant. Asking the preferred session is asking the favorite. “Most” is not needed.
- Sentence five does not need a comma.
- In the Methods section:
- In sentence one, the name of the company, “education” needs the first letter of the word capitalized.
- Sentence two – “…solution, so that they may keep in…” The comma is not needed. It is unclear to whom “they” is referring.
- Sentence three – Start the sentence with “The surveys…” to provide clarity. “they” has been used too frequently.
- Sentence four – The second comma in the sentence is a comma splice and should be removed.
- In the My Qualifications section:
- Being the first time “UBC” is used is the document, the full word should be spelled out.
- In the Conclusion section:
- Sentence one – “…volunteer to students…” Volunteer should be plural to match students.
Concluding Comments:
The proposal is well organized and logical. Proposed methods and scope will likely net the desired results. Below are the needed edits which will make the proposal easier for the reader to follow.
- Including a description of the target audience of reader would be helpful. Who will the formal report be addressed to?
- Make grammatical and punctuation corrections to improve the fluidity of the document. (see detailed notes above)
Thank you for recognizing the need for a change in the method used for scheduling and pairing tutors and students at Pathways to Education. This proposal was enjoyable to read and very sensible. Please feel free to as me any questions about the above information. Good luck!
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